After my last post, I began thinking of all my accidents. I thought I would put it out there so that I would lose the respect of half of my readers.
Accident number 1. I had just gotten my car, a Ford Tempo. It was the first day I had the opportunity to drive it to school (which was half an hour away from home-private school). Right before reaching the school I decided to go through the McDonald’s drive through. Here I am, 16, and free as a bird. I could do what I want, when I wanted to. As I am sitting in the drive through, I scoot up and of course hit the car in front of me. After getting his food, he pulls to the side and gets out of his car. After getting my food, I pull up next to him. Here I am, in my school uniform with “new driver” written all over my forehead. I climb out of my car and apologized profusely...I think I even managed some tears. He said, “No big deal, it only left a little scratch.” I got in my car, shaken and headed to school. I completed a full day of school and then came accident number 2.
Accident number 2. I had just gotten out of school. Went to my car and backed out. Of course everything I learned in 3 months of Drivers Ed, had fallen out of my head right before I pulled into the McDonald’s parking lot that morning. Without looking behind me, I shot out of my parking spot slamming into a car that was driving behind me. I jumped out of the car and realized I hit a Seniors car. In a private school everyone knew everyone, even if we were four years apart. JP was his name. He played football. He had a little brother that was in the same grade as me. There in front of me laid the damage. I huge dent in the side of his white car. I smiled sheepishly and muttered, “Did I do that?” I must have done something really special because God was shining an amazing light over me that mesmerized men despite the damage I had done to their vehicles. He told me it was no big deal. “Seriously? There is a huge dent in the side of your car!!” He assured me he didn’t car, and then followed it up with a phone call that evening to ask me out. I had plans with my friends and didn’t go, and we never talked again.
Accident number 3. Same parking lot as above, about a week later. I was backing out of a spot after school and turned my steering wheel a little too hard. I scratched a friend of mines car as I backed out. I told her and she brushed it off and said, “No big deal, my dad will buy me another one soon enough.” Shockingly, he did. Those damn Daddy’s girls! My light was still shining around me.
Accident number 4. Same car, about a month later. When I parked in the driveway at my home, my dad usually parked his truck directly behind mine. Well the next morning I left earlier than him, got in my car and backed out. Of course I hit his nice Chevy truck. Oops!! I quickly ran in the house, moved his truck, and then left. Never telling him. He did however notice later that week the damage on my bumper that was the result of both the JP accident and hitting my dads truck. I can’t remember what I told him. My shining light is starting to dim.
Accident number 5. Later that year, I was driving to a school function. I had just left my house. I had a cross hanging from my rearview mirror. As I turned a corner, the cross got lodged in my steering wheel, keeping me from turning it straight again. In a panic I put my foot on the gas pedal instead of the brake pedal. I slammed into a parked car on the corner. My hood was so damaged, that it was actually bent to a point. The light that was on me had faded, despite the fact it was the cross that caused the accident. I was so panicked that I drove away quickly and headed back home. I have no clue how my car was drivable because I was leaving a trail of leaking fluid behind me. I pulled up to the house, and ran in to tell my dad what happened. Hiding the damage from him would be like a woman hiding a boob job from a male coworker. Of course he panics because not only has his little angel bent her hood to a mountain peak, but she has fled from the scene of an accident. He immediately put me in his truck and drove me to the house where I hit the parked car. The police where already there. He jumped out, turned his anger into charm, and explained that his newly driving daughter panicked and didn’t know what to do. He smoothed over the situation and I ended up paying for damage out of my part-time job.
Accident number 6. The same year, same car...I was on my way to a party with two friends in the car. It was at night, and I had just exited the highway. I was on the service road, probably going 60 miles an hour, and then there was a 90 degree turn....that I didn’t see coming. I ran straight off the road and ran into a HUGE pile of dirt. Let me explain pile of dirt in Texas. It is random and it is 9 foot tall. The random pile of dirt bent my axel. I now needed to take on another part time job to keep up with the repairs on my car.
Accident number 7. This was three years later, car number 2 (Buick Regal). I was pregnant with the Little Man. I had left the house to go to work, and cut across three lanes of traffic. They were stopped at the light, and left a gap for cars to get through. I went two lanes, and couldn’t see into the third lane. The man in the second lane waved me over, which to me meant it is safe to go. Apparently a wave meant there is a brand new Lexus coming about 40 miles an hour and has no desire to slow down. So I slowly tiptoed into the lane and put a nice beautiful black mark from her side mirror to her back door. It looked like a perfect train track. She didn’t think it was so perfect.
Accident number 8. Gosh, I loved that Buick Regal. I was on my way back from my Brunette BFF’s house. I was driving 70 on the highway in the rain. This day I learned two valuable lessons. 1. Don’t set the cruise when driving in the rain. 2. It wasn’t my time to die. God had his hands all over this. I hit a puddle and began to spin. I spun around in the middle of the highway and slammed into the guardrail in the middle...twice. I was lucky this day. If someone had been behind me, this could have been deadly.
Accident number 9. Car number 3, Buick LeSabre. I had gotten a divorce and was going to pick up the Ex’s truck. It was in my name, I was paying the bill but he was driving the truck. Enough of that right? Went to get a standard when I only knew how to drive a manual. That was fun. Try learning how to drive a stick in the rain. This was a repeat of Accident number 8, minus the damage. It was an exciting day.
Accident number 10. I was driving a friends car, and hit something on a railroad track. Caused a flat tire. I pulled over and got the help of a nice man...retarded, but nice. I was naive in thinking that every man knew how to change a flat. This is not true. He jacked the car up incorrectly and then the car fell off the jack, causing about $1,000 worth of more damage. Another fun day.
Accident number 11. I have lost track of cars at this point. This one was just silly. I was trying to make a turn, with a car in front of me. She was taking too long to turn, at least in my opinion. I thought she needed a little help, so I kissed her bumper...only not with my lips.
Accident number 12. This is where it gets really delightful. I had just left a concert, the only concert I have been to. I was with the Blond BFF, and we were driving home. The cell phone rang, I looked down, and slammed into the car in front of me that stopped out of no where. Wait it gets better. I am the fourth car in a four car pile up. I didn’t just kiss the bumper, I rearranged it, along with two other hoods, and two other bumpers.
Accident number 13. I had only had my vehicle back a week from accident number 12. Same thing. Towed the car back to the dealership to be greeted warmly by the shop workers. “Didn’t like the last bumper we put on?”
Accident number 14. Wikipedia definition: A traffic collision, also known as a traffic accident, motor vehicle collision, motor vehicle accident, car accident, automobile accident, Road Traffic Collision (RTC) or car crash, occurs when a vehicle collides with another vehicle, pedestrian, animal, road debris, or other stationary obstruction, such as a tree or utility pole. I wouldn’t have really called this an accident, but if you think a utility pole = wooden pole, then whatever. I won’t even mess with explaining this beyond: wooden pole meets my front bumper.
Accident number 15. Okay, so according to my last blog post I had 14 accidents. So I will let you know now, I am not great with math. Who’s really counting right? Was on lunch break at work with a couple of friends. Attempted to park my large SUV in a compact car space. The attempt was not successful...hence the “attempt”. I didn’t realize I even hit it until I noticed it moving up towards the sky. I magically managed to lift it up. With that description you would think: Thats gonna leave a mark. It didn't. Teeny tiny scratch. Stupid Olive Garden parking lot. I left a note, and thankfully she didn’t care.
Accident number 16, and I refuse to go further. This one wasn’t my fault and I want to end on a good note. A jack wagon ran into the back of me while at a stop light. I jumped out of the car and yelled at the guy. Which is really funny since for the first time I could blame someone else! Man did that feel good!! Unfortunately it didn’t hurt me, but it did hurt him. It was interesting being on the other side of the porch this time around. I LOVED demanding insurance and drivers license. I just needed a badge and you could have called me officer-because lets face it, I had more experiences with car accidents than your average 30 year veteran police officer.
Okay, this has taken more time than I care for. The last accident was over three years ago. In all these accidents I NEVER harmed a person or an animal. I did however cause affliction to some hoods, bumpers, and one stupidly placed wooden pole. Okay, done.
