Quiet Game

Little Man...well he talks A LOT.  There are times I need to tell him he needs to rest his mouth so I can rest my ears.  This morning in the car, this is how that conversation went.

Me: Okay, it is time to be quiet now.  I think my ears are starting to bleed.

Little Man: Okay.  Hey, can we play the quiet game?

Me: I thought that is what I just said.  Be quiet.

Long pause....

Little Man: So are we playing?

Me: Stop talking.

Long pause....

Little Man: So did we start?

Me: Start what?

Little Man: The game!

Me: Why does it have to be a game?  Why can’t you just stop talking?  

Little Man: It’s more fun when it’s a game!

Long pause....

Little Man: Did you say, “go”?

Me: OMG.  

Little Man: Just say it.

Me: Go.

Long pause... (three minutes tops)

Little Man: Are we still playing?

Me: Please, quickly find me a pencil that I can stick through my eye.

Little Man: You lose.  You talked.

Me: You have GOT to be kidding me.  You talked first.

Little Man: It doesn’t count, because you weren’t clear on if we were playing or not.  

Me: It counts and now you are grounded.

Long pause...

Little Man: Can we play again?

Don't worry, I don't punch him in the face.
I know better than to leave bruises people can see.

My new BFF

In the past I have talked about my Blond BFF and my Brunette BFF.  Moving to Connecticut, I have had to leave them behind.

Blond BFF

Brunette BFF

The good news: I have a new BFF!!  Don’t judge, but she is gray.  So I will refer to her as Gray BFF.  She is older, but that is okay...I have always gravitated towards the older crowd.  She is AWESOME.  She loves to chill with me.  She loves to take trips to the mall (which I really needed a buddy for that).  She always has my best interest/comfort at heart.  Please look past her rough outside appearance because I love her.  Here she is.

My new 1981 Corvette

I know it's a little risque, but here she is with her top off

BTW, I will tell you later the story about how we met.  It's a good one, and I want the suspense to keep you coming back to my blog.  

Olympics

There are a couple times of a year that the Chief has his undivided attention elsewhere.  One of these are when Tour de France is on (first two and a half weeks of July), and during NASCAR season.  Luckily Nascar season only really takes a Sunday away, which happens to fall perfectly around a nap time.  NASCAR lasts nine months out of the year.  Do you wonder how the Chief, someone who works from 5 AM to 10 PM, has time to watch Tour de France?  

D V freaking R

He comes upstairs, laptop in position and watches Tour de France for like three hours while doing email.  What bugs me?  I can watch this three hour recording in like an hour and 45 minutes.  Chief?  It takes him a whole three hours because he is only half paying attention to it, and doesn’t fast forward through the damn commercials!!  Babe, take a short break from work/email so that you can watch your shit and turn your attention back to me.  That’s what life is all about, right?  Me???  I thought this 2.5 weeks of bicycling was bad.  The Olympics?  WORSE.  

I have learned to just accept that I am stuck watching the Olympics until midnight every night, and force myself to enjoy it.  I will admit...I’m kinda getting into some of it.  These people are amazing.  The best.  No room for error.  Last night, Chief and I are watching men’s 100 meter race.  This is how our conversation goes:

Chief: You know, the winner of this is the fastest man in the world.

Me: Well, not necessarily.  Not EVERY man chooses to enter the Olympic competition. There could be someone faster that is sitting at home watching this.

Chief: You’re right, there might be some dude in Africa that is faster with a lion running behind him.

Me: See?  Right!  There probably is right now!

Chief: He might not be the fastest man in the world, but at least he is faster than his bestie who already got eaten.  

Me: Poor guy.

As we are watching this, I start to imagine myself doing these competitions.  They make it look so easy.  I could totally do this stuff!

Me: Babe, I am fast.  I think I could do this.  I could totally be in the Olympics.  

Chief: You’re so fast your legs can’t keep up.  Need I remind you about your Hooters race?

Okay, so let me explain.  One night after a pleasant dinner at Hooters, Little Man challenges me to a foot race in the parking lot.  Knowing my legs are much longer than his, I decided to take him up on it.  I am in shorts and flip-flops.  Nuff said?  No?  Let me finish this fun story with this...I still have scars on both of my knees from my fall.  Needless to say, the brat won, ONLY BECAUSE I WAS IN FLIP-FLOPS!  I was winning before I decided to see what asphalt smelled like.  

Me: I was winning that race, Babe!  I had him!

Chief: Yes, you were going to win.

Me: I know you are rolling your eyes inside your head!  

Chief: No, you were winning.  I just don’t think that you and running are a good mix.  

Me: What about the hurdles?  I could do that!  I did that once in middle school.  

Chief: Really, how did it go?

Me: Okay, so maybe the Olympics aren’t my thing.  But I COULD do SOMETHING!  Hey, I’m gonna go downstairs and get ice cream, want anything?

Later, during mens long jump...

Me: Holy cow, did you see that guy?  He totally jumped like three times!

Chief: Hence the name of the event.  Triple jump.

Me: Last night, they had to jump when they hit the white stick by the dirt...all of a sudden they changed the rules?

Chief: Different competition.  That was the long jump.  This is the triple jump.  Triple means three.

Me: Yeah, I know what triple means, Jack Wagon.  

Even later...during women’s volleyball.  USA against Korea.

Me: That chick’s last name is Hooker?  Can you imagine if I had that last name with my first name?

Chief: Be grateful your first name isn’t Skanky.  

Me: Adorable, that’s what you are.  Simply adorable.     

  

Later, the next night... We are watching the men’s 5000K event.  For those of you that aren’t really keeping up...they are talking about a runner from Great Britain (Mo Farah) and how he trains with one of the Americans (Rupp).  Ryan Seacrest is interviewing the two friends that are competing against each other.

Me: Farah sounds like he is from London.

Chief: He is. 

Me: Oh, I thought his jersey said Great Britain on it.

Chief: That is London.

Me: What’s London?

Chief: Great Britain.

Me: It’s a city in London?

Chief: Oh. My. God.  Great Britain is the country.  London is the city.

Me: English major, not Geography.  Don’t judge.

This is the close of this.  I hope it was better than the closing ceremony of the Olympics...that made me want to poke my eyes out with a sharp stick.

Another job opportunity....

So my Texas trip was cut short.  I knew it would be risky taking a two week vacation right in the midst of job-hiring time.  As you know, I have been on two interviews...both fails.  So even without a job, the Chief and I decided that I would risk it and go ahead and take the trip to Texas.  If I got a call for an interview, I would simply hop back on a plane and head home.  Job comes first.  Little Man and I are on our way to Texas and we have a short layover in Baltimore.  Just as we land, I power up the phone.  About three seconds later it rings.  I look down at the phone and it is an 860 area code aka home area.  I immediately knew it was about a job.  I fully expected to be called for an interview at some point, but not before I even landed in Texas.  I answer the phone.

Hello?

Hi!  This is L T from J Elementary School (the school I did my long term subbing in).

Hello!  How have you been?

I am fine.  We have a third grade teaching position open and we would love for you to take it.

Wow! Well, I am not certified for third grade.

I thought you were 3-8?

No, I am four through eight.

Oh my!  Geez, I am so sorry!  

Not half as sorry as I am.  Please please call me again if you have something that comes open in fourth or fifth because I would love nothing more than to be back in your school!

We will, and again I am so sorry for the confusion, I really thought you were 3-8.

GRRRR.  That flipping close.  She wasn’t asking me to come in for an interview, she was offering me the job.  I am actually a little relieved because I didn’t really think they like me that much because before the end of the school year I had briefly talked to them about working there next year.  They flippantly told me they would keep me in mind but as of right now there just wasn’t any openings...or any money in the budget.  Sadly, I tucked my phone away and headed off the plane. 

I enjoyed my first week in Texas, spending time with my niece and nephews, and seeing three very close friends.  Early in, I logged onto the school websites (a every-few-days routine that I have taken on).  I noticed immediately that New London had an opening in a middle school...my dream area.  Then I noticed that it happened to be a school that I knew.  I had subbed in the school only one time, but made sure to introduce myself to the principal while I was there.  At the time, she didn’t have openings, but asked me to send my application and resume over to New London HR with a sticky note on top telling HR that I was asked to send my info over anyway (even though there were no positions).  At the end of the school year, I sent the same principal an email reminding her who I was and that I was still looking for a job.  She responded and told me she would keep me in mind throughout the summer.  So I pulled up that old email, and resent it to her saying I noticed she had an opening.  She responded and asked if I was available to come in the next day.  I told her I was on vacay, but that I would be HAPPY to shorten my trip if it meant a job opportunity.  She responded and asked me to come in Tuesday.  So here I am.  Interview three tomorrow.  I am not sure how I am going to overcome my lack of experience (if you remember is what killed me in my last two interviews).  Now, just to add a new wonderful obstacle, I am looking VERY pregnant.  There is no wrapping myself in duct tape this time around.  I have to come clean.  I’m afraid this is going to be my deal breaker.  No one wants to hire someone that is about to have a baby.  They are going to take one quick look at me and think the worst.  

1. She is going to need at least a six week maternity leave
2. She is going to be taking off all the time for doctor appointments
3. She is going to take more sick days than anyone on our staff
4. She may not even come back...so many new moms don’t

Somehow, I need to explain that...

1. I am a surrogate and don’t need a maternity leave
2. I will schedule all my appointments after school hours
3. I don’t take sick days.  Pregnancy is not a disease.
4. I WILL come back, because the best part about surrogacy is I don’t have to raise the kid!

Good luck, right?  I am a wreck.  I have no idea how I am going to work this in.  I have no idea how I am going to sell myself with a belly that is oversized and practically knocking the table over.  I knew going into the surrogacy, this was a risk I would be taking.  I knew that just as I started to show, I would be trying to get a job.  I prayed long and hard, and still chose to move forward.  It may bite me in the ass...and it may not.  The Chief thinks its going to hurt my chances.  So a few things I need to remember going into interview #3...

1. The book I am currently reading is NOT Fifty Shades of Porn, but A Tale of Two Cities.
2. Social Studies/History are NOT mindless subjects, and CANNOT be taught by just any hobo off the streets.
3. I was indeed NOT paddled in school for calling a teacher “devil woman”.  I was, however, captain of the football team, voted “most likely to succeed”, homecoming queen, AND President of the Student Council and National Honor Society.
4. Why yes, I AM pregnant...but don’t worry, it’s not mine, and I have absolutely no responsibility for it after I push it out.

Sounds like a plan right?  WRONG.  I’m never going to get a job!  Well, either way, pray hard for me.  If anything, pray that I don’t stick my foot in my mouth.