Porta Potty

Like most people...if I have to pee, and a porta potty is the only option, I all of a sudden can hold it much longer.  I have stepped into a porta potty less than five times in my entire lifetime.  One of those was less than a year ago.  I can’t remember where we were, I do however, remember that it wasn’t an option.  I had 18 gallons of pressure bouncing up and down on my bladder.  I had no choice.  I had to go.  I waited patiently in the line of desperate faces.  The anticipation was killing me.  I was trying to keep a positive mind.  This was going to be an adventure.  I could do this.  I could make friends with the flies and persuade the spiders to keep their distance because I was willing to bite back.  My turn came.

I approached the door, closed my eyes and walked in.  I was taken back at how different they were than how I remembered them.  I looked around and didn’t see any spiders or flies.  This wasn’t going to be so bad!  I noticed a little shelf for my purse and set it down...how nice.  I finished, used the antibacterial soap and made my way out.  I went and found Chief and gushed about how nice they were!

Me: Babe!  That was the nicest porta potty I have ever seen!

Chief: Really?

Me: Yeah!  It was clean and it didn’t smell bad at all!!

Chief: Wow! Well I am happy you were impressed.

Me: It even had a purse holder!

Chief: What?

Me: They had a little shelf for my purse!

Chief: The shelf on the left?

Me: Yep.  They are getting really fancy.  Those must be designed by women.

Chief: Or men.

Me: No way, men aren’t that considerate.

Chief: They think of themselves.

Me: Exactly. 

Chief: Which is how I know it was designed by a man.

Me: A man would not put a purse holder in a bathroom.

Chief: No, but they would put a urinal in there.

Me: Hugh?

Chief: Your purse holder, is a urinal.

Me: No, it was definitely a purse holder. 

Chief: Purse holders don’t have a hole in the bottom of them.

Me: Please tell me you are kidding.  It was too low to be a urinal.

Chief: Not everyone is six feet tall.

Me: No way.

Chief: You stuck your purse in a urinal.

Me: No way.

Chief: No, I am just kidding.

Me: Really?

Chief: No, I am totally serious.

Me: OMG! That is freaking disgusting!

Chief: How the hell did you not know that?

Me: I don’t know, I don’t spend a lot of time in those! Why do they need their own place to pee!  They have a freaking huge hole to pee in!!

Chief: Then you will have urine on the seats when the men don’t lift them.

Me: I’m gonna barf.

Chief: Make sure you set your purse on the shelf when you do, so it is out of your way.

Me: Stop talking.