My Hometown

I want to start off by saying this:  The blond BFF said to me last night, "You haven't blogged in forever...a TRUE blogger would blog on the toilet."

So here is my blog...I will try harder to do more.

I have started probably five blogs since I last blogged.  I am funny with writing.  I blog when I feel passionate about something going on in my life.  Currently, nothing has stood out.  I am in Texas doing my student teaching, and life has gotten busy very fast.  

This whole thing is extremely bitter sweet to me.  I moved to Connecticut in January, knowing that I would be coming back for three months of student teaching.  I feel as though I was almost holding my breath for those 9 months in Connecticut.  I feel as though I didn’t really absorb the fact that I no longer live in Texas.  I moved to Connecticut in January.  The parents stayed with us the first month in Connecticut to help us get settled.  I had a trip planned back to Texas in the last week of January (so I wasn’t even gone three weeks, before I got to come back and visit).  In March, I took ANOTHER week trip back to Texas.  Then in April, the blond BFF came to see me for a week.  In May, the brunette BFF came to see me for a week.  At the end of May, the Chief’s BFF came to visit us for a week.  The parents also came back at the end of April and stayed until the end of May.  Then right before I came back to Texas, ANOTHER close friend of mine also came to visit.  So basically, life was busy.  I had enough to look forward to with friends and family coming to visit me, and with my trips planned back to Texas.  I felt like there was always a light at the end of that tunnel, so I didn’t let my spirits drop.  Now, I am here back in Texas...for three wonderful months.  

So far these weeks have been wonderful.  I have my calendar booked with spending time with my loved ones.  I took for granted all the things I had around me when I lived in Frisco...I won’t make that mistake again.  I have enjoyed running to the grocery store, running to the mall, driving to see my sister and her kids, and driving to spend time with friends.  I am truly blessed.  

I also started going back to my church (the church I went to in Frisco before I left).  Walking in, I felt this wave of relief overcome me.  I stood there, by myself in a room full of people, and felt like I was “home” again.  I wasn’t close to these people, but the pastor is amazing, and has touched me in many ways over the years.  This was the icing to my cupcake.  The first service I attended, we are all standing there and singing.  I couldn’t even sing, because my eyes were so full of tears that I couldn’t see the screen.  I don’t know why I was crying...but I do have a thought.  

I have searched for church homes in Connecticut.  I have tried a total of 3 churches, and my mom has tried 2 other churches for me.  I feel as though God is missing from the state.  None of the churches fit my bill.  When I ask if they have a youth group they respond, “yes!”  I ask how many kids are in it, and they respond, “two”.  What is wrong with this state?  Where are the churches hiding?  This Sunday, my Frisco pastor said something important that has stuck with me all week.  Church is not a place, Church is the people.  YOU are church.  I still don’t know where this is going, but I can feel it working on me.  I feel lost in Connecticut.  I don’t feel like it is my home.  It is all very foreign to me.  I haven’t made any true connections.  No one has invited me out for coffee.  Am I that terrible?  Am I that unlikable?  Why can’t I make friends?  What is wrong with me?  Why am I having so many problems accepting this is my new home?  

Being in Texas has only made me miss it more.  This is so hard for people to understand.  Texas is all I know.  Everything I am comfortable with is in Texas.  If you know me, you know I am as square as they come.  I don’t go outside my box.  I don’t venture and try new things.  I want what I want, when I want it.  My BFF’s could go with me to ANY restaurant and they could pick up the menu and order for me.  I NEVER go outside my box.  I am completely predictable.  Picking up and moving wasn’t an option for me.  The Chief finally got, a much needed and much deserved promotion.  I couldn’t take his dreams and set them on the back burner.  Part of a marriage is being together and making sacrifices for each other.  I love this man with all my heart.  I would follow him where ever he wants to go.  With that said...keep this in mind.  He has lived in many states.  He was never tied down to an area for all his life, so moving didn’t impact him like it did me.  

Being in Texas only lets me breathe easy.  I am here and there are two things I miss as of right this moment.  My love, and my Little Man.  That’s it.  How will I ever grow to love an area outside of my Texas box?