My Chief

The Chief...

I am going to take a moment to talk about the love of my life, and tell you the reasons I am the luckiest girl on earth.  

He loves my child.  The Chief made the decision many years ago, that he didn’t feel the need to have his own child when there are so many out there that need to be adopted.  He isn’t the perfect parent, but he tries...which is more than I can say for many fathers.  He takes him and does things with him (just the two of them).  When it comes time to buy presents, he buys him things that the two of them can do together (building things).  Think about this for a second.  He doesn’t buy him video games to keep him entertained in a room alone, he buys him golf clubs so the two of them can golf together.  He buys him cars, so they can build them and paint them together.  He buys him motors that takes hours of time to sit and work together on.  Does this sound like a man that doesn’t want to have kids?  The Chief is very strict, and demands respect...but in the end, he loves him and shows it to him in many different ways.  

He is successful.  This is something I think many people take for granted.  This man strives to be better.  He doesn’t settle for excellence.  He strives for perfection and he strives to be number one.  When I met him, he told me he wanted to be president of one of the divisions, at that time he was territory manager.  Guess what?  Within a year he moved from territory manager to a district manager.  Then shortly after that, he became a trainer that traveled to the other divisions.  Right now, he is vice president.  There is no doubt that within five years he will be president of a division.  He is respected at the work place, and his opinions are valued.  I recently went into his office to drop something off, and some of the women that work for him caught me in the hallway.  They told me how much my husband has done for the company.  They stood there for ten minutes taking turns telling me what amazing things he has done for the division and for them personally.  They said the company morale has boosted in ways it hasn’t seen in over 10 years.  A couple women got very emotional about it.  They said he has made them WANT to stay and work for this company.  They said he has a vision, and they know when he says that, they are in for a wonderful ride.  They trust him, and already love him in the short amount of time he has been there.  Last week the Chief sent me a text message that said: Guess who is the #1 in growth in the country for the 2nd week in a row?!?  To me, there is nothing sexier than success. 

Let’s talk about arrogance for a minute.  Some people see this as a bad quality to have.  Me?  I think it is one of the BEST qualities to have.  It is one of the first things that drew me to this man.  He walks with confidence.  When he walks into a room he OWNS that room.  He doesn’t cower away from confrontation.  To him, a good debate is like the sprinkles on top of an ice cream cone.  He knows he is smart, anyone that talks to him knows he is smart.  Smart is HOT!  I love being with a man that tests on genius levels.  I love hearing him talk to a person that likes to act smart.  I only giggle inside.  Maybe this is horrible of me, but on some level I know when I am with the Chief I can’t go wrong.  No one in the room is smarter than he is.  There is something about that, that is extremely comforting to me.  I feel lucky to be married to the smartest man I know.  He may not know how to turn on the washing machine, and he may not know where the dishwasher is, but he can answer just about any question without you pulling out your iPhone for your wikipedia.  He is my wikipedia.

Control is another thing.  Many people hear this word and start to sweat.  I NEED a man that is in control.  I need to have someone that takes over.  I have been a single parent for a long time.  I have done it on my own for a long time.  To have someone come in, and take over is refreshing!  I do most of the cooking, and all the cleaning, ironing, and laundry.  I do this because I feel it is my job.  He has never told me to do these things.  I feel this is my role in the family.  I don’t do this because he has made me feel it is my role, I do it because I am old fashioned.  I want nothing more than to take care of a man that takes care of me and my child.  If I asked him to unload the dishwasher, I know he would.  I choose not to ask him.  I choose to spoil him like I feel he spoils me.    

If I want something (within reason), I can have it.  He takes care of me and my son.  He lets me choose where we go out to eat.  He lets me decide what to do on the weekend.  He comes home from work and gives us his undivided attention.  I know many husbands that work late, and don’t make time for their family.  Mine does.  Despite the fact he has hundreds (that isn’t exaggerating) of emails that he could take care of, he choses to sit on the couch with me and watch an episode of the Bachelor, or any other reality show I chose.  On the weekends, he is up early and takes over “Dad duty”.  He informs Little Man that he isn’t to bother me.  He lets me have my time, and recognizes that I need it.

One more thing I want to add.  The Chief hates going to the movies....which is my FAVORITE thing to do.  On Thanksgiving Day, we wake up and he says, “Let’s go to the movies!”  I of course was SUPER excited and quickly ran to get ready.  We spent the day at the movie theater, seeing TWO movies of my choice (Little Man was with us of course).  We then went and walked around Walmart (another thing I love to do).  By the time we headed home it was six.  As we pulled onto the street, I noticed all of our neighbors had TONS of cars in front of their houses.  I then started to cry because it took me all day to realize he had spent the day trying to make me happy on my first Thanksgiving away from my family.  When we walked in the house, I could do nothing but hug him and cry.  Not because I missed my family, but because he had put me before anyone else.  He spent the day doing his least favorite thing so that I would be happy.  That is selfless.  That is the man I fell in love with.  And for icing on my cupcake?  He sent me flowers the next day.  Beautiful PINK flowers.  And his note attached to the flowers:  “Will you go out with me?”  

Not everyone loves the Chief like I do.  That is okay.  I may not love your spouse either.  Frankly, it doesn’t matter whether you think he is an arrogant ass or not.  What matters is, he is the love of my life.  I couldn’t have made a better decision for me and my son.  I couldn’t have picked a smarter man.  I couldn’t have picked a better man to be the father of my child.  I picked the right one.  We have our quarrels, like any other couple...but in the end, I know he loves me and I love him.  I know most of the time he is right...as much as I hate to admit this.  As long as I get to grow old with him, I don’t care what others think.  I know how lucky I am.  I know how lucky the Little Man is.  I see this man in ways others don’t see him.  I see the love he hides behind his arrogant exterior.  I see the kindness in his eyes and heart.  I have seen him do things for people because they are in need.  He doesn’t talk about it, he just does it.  This is who I married.  He is my walking Wikipedia. He is the sprinkles on my ice cream cone...and the icing on my cupcake.

   

My Sweet Darling Student...

As you all know, I have been in Texas doing my student teaching.  Today, I packed up everything and made the flight back to Connecticut.  Yesterday was my last day at the school.  I was so sad to leave my babies.  I grew very attached to many of these kids over the last three months.  I feel as though I connected with many of them on another level.  One student in particular, was one that I have blogged about before.  At the beginning of the year, I told her she reminds me so much of my niece (although she is Hispanic).  I told her every time I see her, I have this urge to hug her.  She said, “EWW, I don’t like to be hugged!”  I respected that, and made sure to never touch her.  I worked very close with this little girl in the three months I was there.  I stayed after school and helped her on vocabulary, and I came in early so that she could do her retakes (that I FORCED her to come in and do, telling her she was capable of much more than her 47-first attempt).  When she had tests coming up, I went in the hall to find her, and invited her to come and let me help her study...for any class, not just ours.  I want this child to succeed, as much as I want my own child to succeed.  

She was in my 5/6th period class.  At the end of the day yesterday, I passed out little jars that I made each student.  I had gotten them each a Mason jar, filled it with little treats, then I wrote each of them a little note and stuck it on the top.  I then sealed the jars, and wrote their names on the outside.  They were all very pleasantly surprised to get a gift from me.  As I passed out the jars, I begged them not to eat all the candy right away, and told them I would hunt them down in the hall if I heard they were misusing the jars.  I then told them that I had written them a little note in the inside of their jars, and told them they could read them when they wanted, but it was for their eyes only.  These were not little generic notes.  I took about 2.5 hours one evening and wrote each student a personalized note about how special they were to me, and things I would miss about them.  

I then went and sat down while they opened their jars in the last two minutes of class.  They were more excited about the candy than anything.  As the bell rang, I was surprised at all the students that came up to me to hug me goodbye.  I hugged each of them, and told them I would miss them, and that I would be calling the teacher to find out how they were doing.  As I made my way quickly through the students, I noticed my special one gathering her things at her desk.  I walked over to her and she dropped her notebooks on her desk and put her arms around me.  It was the most fulfilling hug I have received in a long time.  She said, “I don’t know how I am going to pass without you here!”  She was crying.  She broke my heart into 86 pieces.  I hugged her and told her that she would do just fine without me.  

“I KNOW how smart you are!  I KNOW you are capable of acing everything that comes your way!  You have already proven to me that you can do it!  I didn’t take those quizzes and tests for you!  YOU did that!  YOU are the one that succeeded. YOU have been doing amazing, and I KNOW you will continue to do amazing.  YOU can do anything you want to do.  You need to continue to take this seriously!!”  As I said this to her, she is standing there with tears rolling down her cheeks.  

“I wish you didn’t have to leave, you are the only teacher who cares about me!”  

“That isn’t true, all these teachers care, they want to see you succeed as much as I do, you just need to ask for help.  They may not come hunt you down, like I do, but they will help you, if you ask for it.  I promise.”  

I was so sad when she left the room.  The sweet darling, who doesn’t like to be touched, clung to me like a child clings to a mother.  My heart was spilling over with sorrow for this little girl.  As much as I want her to do well, I know statistically, students in her area don’t, and will eventually drop out.  If I were teaching in this school, I would have followed this particular student the rest of her 7th grade year, and I would have mentored her through her 8th grade year.  I would also have been there to support her in any way I could through her high school years.  Maybe this is the newness in me.  I will pray for this little girl daily, and I will keep in contact with the teacher to find out how she does for the rest of the year.  It was heart breaking leaving, not knowing how her story will end.  I know there are plenty of kids like this, and I will have many other opportunities to make a difference...I just can’t help but feel I abandoned this one.  I hope that my encouraging words were enough to boost her confidence, that will keep her on the right track for the remainder of the year.  I will never forget this student.  It makes me wonder how fair life is.  It isn’t her fault she was born into poverty, it isn’t her fault she struggles with dyslexia.  It also isn’t her fault that both of her siblings dropped out of high school as sophomores.  She was dealt a bad deck of cards.  I just hope and pray that she comes out the Ace of Diamonds.

Student Teaching

I know I haven’t blogged very much about my student teaching experience.  I have struggled with the privacy and legality of the students.  I of course would never use their names, but I still worry about if it is right or wrong.

I am going to take my chances and talk about a student.  I have “taken to” a particular student this semester.  From day one she appeared very quiet in class.  I knew immediately after grading papers that she was a struggling student.  She is also a 504 student.  For those of you that don’t know what that is, a 504 student is a student that has some sort of learning disability.  This can be anywhere from ADHD to dyslexia.  Jane (not her real name), has been diagnosed with dyslexia.  She goes to the learning lab to take all of her tests and quizzes.  Our students have a quiz every Friday.  

My first month, Jane was failing each of these quizzes.  She does well on classwork so her average was teetering dangerously between a C and a F.  Unfortunately, quizzes count as 40% of her grade, so when she made a 50 or below, her average would plummet.  Test count as 50% and she would fail those too.  Lucky for her, they only have two tests a semester. 

Jane is Hispanic.  I say this because the Hispanic community tends to put very little importance in education.  I am not sure if it is because they don’t care, or if it is lack of communication (language barrier).  With this said, when I would hand back the quizzes and test, I would watch Jane.  Her response wasn’t an “I don’t care” response.  Her shoulders would drop and she would immediately shield the grade with her hand as she looked over the red marks.  She was embarrassed.  I knew then, that she cared and wanted to do well.  After a month of this, one Monday afternoon I handed her back her quiz.  I bent down and told her to come in Thursday and I would help her study for the quiz on Friday.  Her eyes lit up immediately and she said, “You would do that?”  

I said, “Of course!”  On Thursday morning, there she was.  I sat down with her for 40 minutes and when over all the information for the quiz.  I drilled her and gave her funny ways of remembering things.  I even made her sing a couple things to certain tunes to make them stick in her head.  She came again on Friday morning.  We went over the information again so it was fresh in her mind.  After she handed me her quiz on Friday, instead of putting it on the bottom of the stack, I grabbed it and graded it.  I graded her paper three times to make sure I wasn’t missing something.  She made a 100.  I quickly went to her desk, trying to hold back the tears (other kids were reading), and bent down.  She looked at me and said, “How bad?”  

I said, “ONE HUNDRED”.

“No, really.  What did I make?”  

“Jane, you made a one hundred.”  

“Ms. J, I have never made a one hundred on a quiz.  Are you serious?”

“Yes, darling.  I am serious.”

She put her arms around my neck.  At this point it was borderline scene in the classroom.  Jane came in every Thursday and Friday after that.  She has made A’s on every quiz since that day.  Her average in English is a 87.  Last week they had a major test.  She came in and studied hard with me.  I knew the test was going to be short answer, not the multiple choice/fill in the blank she was used to.  I knew she would struggle with this test.  She did.  She made a 54.  I went to tell her and she cried.  She told me she tried so hard.  It took everything in me to keep my cool.  I knew how hard she studied.  I knew she would struggle because she struggles with the simple structuring of a sentence.  This is a weakness for her.  When I told her what she made, I told her to come in Monday morning to make corrections.  She said, “Why bother?”  **Students can retake tests only.  They are not allowed to make up quizzes.**

“Why bother?  Because look how hard you have worked for that 87!! You are so incredibly smart, and I KNOW YOU are capable of much more than a ridiculous 54!  I will see you Monday morning, Jane.  You don’t have an option here.  If I didn’t think you were smart enough, I wouldn’t make you come in.  You can do better, and I EXPECT you to do better.”  Sure enough, Monday morning she came in to make her test corrections.  Monday after school she came in for her retake.  Instead of sending her to the learning lab, I made her take it in the empty classroom.  She handed it to me and left.  I then turned it over to the teacher, and told her because I felt too close to this kid, I was afraid I would not grade fairly.  So I stood there behind her like a kid waiting to open presents on Christmas Day.  Every time she reached for the red pen, I winced.  I finally had to walk away and wait.  After about five minutes, she held up the paper with a bright red 87 at the top.  I ran out the door looking for Jane in the hallway.  She stepped away from her friends when she saw me, knowing why I was coming her way.  

“Did I fail again?”  

“87!”  

She jumped up and down with excitement.  

This is the reason I want to be a teacher.  Look at the impact a teacher can have on a student!  We can make them, or we can break them.  In the two and a half months, this student has gone from a 72 to an 87.  Did it take that much?  NO!  It took someone that cared.  It took someone telling her that she was capable of more.  It took someone pushing her to her full potential.  I know when I am a teacher, I am going to look at each student as an individual with needs.  Whether it be a study partner, or someone to encourage them.  Seeing the face of a student that made her first 100 on a quiz, made it all worth it.  I can’t wait to be a teacher and experience this all the time. 

I have grown close to many of these kids.  I have about three other students like Jane.  Their average has gone from C’s to B’s in a matter of a couple months.  The only thing I did was tell them how smart they were.  I told them I KNEW they were capable of more and I demanded it.  Teachers are holding so much power in the palms of their hands.  I hope that I am able to turn that into something wonderful...for EVERY student I come across.