As you all know, I have been in Texas doing my student teaching. Today, I packed up everything and made the flight back to Connecticut. Yesterday was my last day at the school. I was so sad to leave my babies. I grew very attached to many of these kids over the last three months. I feel as though I connected with many of them on another level. One student in particular, was one that I have blogged about before. At the beginning of the year, I told her she reminds me so much of my niece (although she is Hispanic). I told her every time I see her, I have this urge to hug her. She said, “EWW, I don’t like to be hugged!” I respected that, and made sure to never touch her. I worked very close with this little girl in the three months I was there. I stayed after school and helped her on vocabulary, and I came in early so that she could do her retakes (that I FORCED her to come in and do, telling her she was capable of much more than her 47-first attempt). When she had tests coming up, I went in the hall to find her, and invited her to come and let me help her study...for any class, not just ours. I want this child to succeed, as much as I want my own child to succeed.
She was in my 5/6th period class. At the end of the day yesterday, I passed out little jars that I made each student. I had gotten them each a Mason jar, filled it with little treats, then I wrote each of them a little note and stuck it on the top. I then sealed the jars, and wrote their names on the outside. They were all very pleasantly surprised to get a gift from me. As I passed out the jars, I begged them not to eat all the candy right away, and told them I would hunt them down in the hall if I heard they were misusing the jars. I then told them that I had written them a little note in the inside of their jars, and told them they could read them when they wanted, but it was for their eyes only. These were not little generic notes. I took about 2.5 hours one evening and wrote each student a personalized note about how special they were to me, and things I would miss about them.
I then went and sat down while they opened their jars in the last two minutes of class. They were more excited about the candy than anything. As the bell rang, I was surprised at all the students that came up to me to hug me goodbye. I hugged each of them, and told them I would miss them, and that I would be calling the teacher to find out how they were doing. As I made my way quickly through the students, I noticed my special one gathering her things at her desk. I walked over to her and she dropped her notebooks on her desk and put her arms around me. It was the most fulfilling hug I have received in a long time. She said, “I don’t know how I am going to pass without you here!” She was crying. She broke my heart into 86 pieces. I hugged her and told her that she would do just fine without me.
“I KNOW how smart you are! I KNOW you are capable of acing everything that comes your way! You have already proven to me that you can do it! I didn’t take those quizzes and tests for you! YOU did that! YOU are the one that succeeded. YOU have been doing amazing, and I KNOW you will continue to do amazing. YOU can do anything you want to do. You need to continue to take this seriously!!” As I said this to her, she is standing there with tears rolling down her cheeks.
“I wish you didn’t have to leave, you are the only teacher who cares about me!”
“That isn’t true, all these teachers care, they want to see you succeed as much as I do, you just need to ask for help. They may not come hunt you down, like I do, but they will help you, if you ask for it. I promise.”
I was so sad when she left the room. The sweet darling, who doesn’t like to be touched, clung to me like a child clings to a mother. My heart was spilling over with sorrow for this little girl. As much as I want her to do well, I know statistically, students in her area don’t, and will eventually drop out. If I were teaching in this school, I would have followed this particular student the rest of her 7th grade year, and I would have mentored her through her 8th grade year. I would also have been there to support her in any way I could through her high school years. Maybe this is the newness in me. I will pray for this little girl daily, and I will keep in contact with the teacher to find out how she does for the rest of the year. It was heart breaking leaving, not knowing how her story will end. I know there are plenty of kids like this, and I will have many other opportunities to make a difference...I just can’t help but feel I abandoned this one. I hope that my encouraging words were enough to boost her confidence, that will keep her on the right track for the remainder of the year. I will never forget this student. It makes me wonder how fair life is. It isn’t her fault she was born into poverty, it isn’t her fault she struggles with dyslexia. It also isn’t her fault that both of her siblings dropped out of high school as sophomores. She was dealt a bad deck of cards. I just hope and pray that she comes out the Ace of Diamonds.
No comments:
Post a Comment