Olympics

There are a couple times of a year that the Chief has his undivided attention elsewhere.  One of these are when Tour de France is on (first two and a half weeks of July), and during NASCAR season.  Luckily Nascar season only really takes a Sunday away, which happens to fall perfectly around a nap time.  NASCAR lasts nine months out of the year.  Do you wonder how the Chief, someone who works from 5 AM to 10 PM, has time to watch Tour de France?  

D V freaking R

He comes upstairs, laptop in position and watches Tour de France for like three hours while doing email.  What bugs me?  I can watch this three hour recording in like an hour and 45 minutes.  Chief?  It takes him a whole three hours because he is only half paying attention to it, and doesn’t fast forward through the damn commercials!!  Babe, take a short break from work/email so that you can watch your shit and turn your attention back to me.  That’s what life is all about, right?  Me???  I thought this 2.5 weeks of bicycling was bad.  The Olympics?  WORSE.  

I have learned to just accept that I am stuck watching the Olympics until midnight every night, and force myself to enjoy it.  I will admit...I’m kinda getting into some of it.  These people are amazing.  The best.  No room for error.  Last night, Chief and I are watching men’s 100 meter race.  This is how our conversation goes:

Chief: You know, the winner of this is the fastest man in the world.

Me: Well, not necessarily.  Not EVERY man chooses to enter the Olympic competition. There could be someone faster that is sitting at home watching this.

Chief: You’re right, there might be some dude in Africa that is faster with a lion running behind him.

Me: See?  Right!  There probably is right now!

Chief: He might not be the fastest man in the world, but at least he is faster than his bestie who already got eaten.  

Me: Poor guy.

As we are watching this, I start to imagine myself doing these competitions.  They make it look so easy.  I could totally do this stuff!

Me: Babe, I am fast.  I think I could do this.  I could totally be in the Olympics.  

Chief: You’re so fast your legs can’t keep up.  Need I remind you about your Hooters race?

Okay, so let me explain.  One night after a pleasant dinner at Hooters, Little Man challenges me to a foot race in the parking lot.  Knowing my legs are much longer than his, I decided to take him up on it.  I am in shorts and flip-flops.  Nuff said?  No?  Let me finish this fun story with this...I still have scars on both of my knees from my fall.  Needless to say, the brat won, ONLY BECAUSE I WAS IN FLIP-FLOPS!  I was winning before I decided to see what asphalt smelled like.  

Me: I was winning that race, Babe!  I had him!

Chief: Yes, you were going to win.

Me: I know you are rolling your eyes inside your head!  

Chief: No, you were winning.  I just don’t think that you and running are a good mix.  

Me: What about the hurdles?  I could do that!  I did that once in middle school.  

Chief: Really, how did it go?

Me: Okay, so maybe the Olympics aren’t my thing.  But I COULD do SOMETHING!  Hey, I’m gonna go downstairs and get ice cream, want anything?

Later, during mens long jump...

Me: Holy cow, did you see that guy?  He totally jumped like three times!

Chief: Hence the name of the event.  Triple jump.

Me: Last night, they had to jump when they hit the white stick by the dirt...all of a sudden they changed the rules?

Chief: Different competition.  That was the long jump.  This is the triple jump.  Triple means three.

Me: Yeah, I know what triple means, Jack Wagon.  

Even later...during women’s volleyball.  USA against Korea.

Me: That chick’s last name is Hooker?  Can you imagine if I had that last name with my first name?

Chief: Be grateful your first name isn’t Skanky.  

Me: Adorable, that’s what you are.  Simply adorable.     

  

Later, the next night... We are watching the men’s 5000K event.  For those of you that aren’t really keeping up...they are talking about a runner from Great Britain (Mo Farah) and how he trains with one of the Americans (Rupp).  Ryan Seacrest is interviewing the two friends that are competing against each other.

Me: Farah sounds like he is from London.

Chief: He is. 

Me: Oh, I thought his jersey said Great Britain on it.

Chief: That is London.

Me: What’s London?

Chief: Great Britain.

Me: It’s a city in London?

Chief: Oh. My. God.  Great Britain is the country.  London is the city.

Me: English major, not Geography.  Don’t judge.

This is the close of this.  I hope it was better than the closing ceremony of the Olympics...that made me want to poke my eyes out with a sharp stick.