Z for Z

In my alphabet challenge

I’m on the letter Z

I am a little stumped

And the Chief would agree

Every single evening

I sit with the laptop

And beg him for ideas 

Until he tells me to stop

He explains this was MY plan

It has nothing to do with him

He refuses to help

Because he can’t help on a whim

So now I am on my own

Trying to think of something to write

What would be super awesome

Is if this were my last night

But here is the deal...

I have recently lost my mind

When I agreed to do month two

Another 26 days

I am not sure how I will get through

I claim to be a writer

I didn’t think this would be so hard

Now I have another month

Of posts you will have to disregard

This is my letter Z post

All zebras are beast

Zoos are fun to walk through

Zirconiums are from the middle east

Zoom zap zomp

Ziti at my sister’s house

After Zumba I scrub with Zest

Then zucchini for the spouse

Zillions of Zs

Zamboni ride on the ice

Zombis are lame

Zero room on this storage device

Closing for now

You will read me in May

When I go for round two

A letter each day

Y for You're a terrible liar...

Y is for You’re a terrible liar.  Has anyone ever said this phrase to you?  Today, one of the teachers on my team told me I was a terrible liar.  

This made me think.  Is that a good thing?  

Do you want to be told: You are a SICK liar!  (sick=rad)

There are many things I would love to be told I am good at:

You are a great artist (I’m lucky if my stick figures have arms and legs).  

You are an amazing piano player.

You are a natural dancer (I have two left feet).

You are a spectacular athlete (Chief...keep your thoughts to yourself).

Can you imagine if someone said:

You are a phenomenal liar!  

Umm, thanks?  That will make my parents proud?!?

So when you hear: You are a terrible liar...  Is this a good thing?  A compliment?  Does someone want to be told they are good at that?  I mean you typically don’t hear you are bad at something that is negative.  

You are a terrible litterer.

You are horrible at being evil.

You are useless at failing tests.

You happen to be the most atrocious thief I have ever met.

Are you picking up what I am putting down?  Seems odd to me to say: You are a terrible liar.  I guess in a way this can be a good thing.  If you are terrible at lying, then you won’t do it.  If you are a horrific thief, you will get caught.  Let’s face it, the world needs more people that are horrible at being evil.

I could probably dig a little deeper into this, but the Chief is passed out on the couch next to me, and the only thing I want to do is turn this computer off and cuddle up on his warm chest.  So tonight I will go to bed a terrible liar.  And I will take it as a compliment.  I think.  

X for X-ray

X is for X-ray.  I want you do see inside of me.  I typically share the good and the funny part of my life. The truth?  My life isn’t all that entertaining.  I turn things into humor, because that is what people like to read.  People want to laugh, not cry.  They want to smile, not think too hard.  

I am doing this blogging challenge with a friend very dear to my heart.  I met her when I was doing my observation for being a teacher.  I observed two teachers, and she was one of them.  This woman amazed me from the moment I met her.  She is one of the most amazing teachers I have ever watched in action.  She has patience that I can’t even pretend to have.  She was so gentle and kind to her sixth graders.  She had an amazing movement about her.  I would watch her in awe as she moved around her classroom from group to group spending a little time with each student.  They craved her presence.  They wanted nothing more than to make her proud and it was written all over their little faces.  She inspired them...the way she inspires me.  Today she wrote an honorable blog post.  She was honest about something in the past that she felt bad about.  I think she is worthy of honor because she wrote with truth.  As ugly as the truth might have been, she still exposed a part of herself that she doesn’t always give away.  That is honorable to me.  Her blog post inspired me to give a little of myself away, as ugly as it might be.  Life can’t always be giggles and rainbows.  The truth is, life can be quite repulsive at times...as can I.  

I was having a discussion with Brunette BFF one afternoon by the pool.  I was talking about another girl.  I was talking about her with hatred and jealousy.  I was telling BFF how it isn’t fair that everything is handed to this girl.  Her life is so easy.  She is an only child.  Her parents have always been stellar to her.  She asks for something, and she gets it.  She wants an extravagant wedding and even though her parents couldn’t really afford it, they bent over backwards getting her everything she wanted for her perfect excessive wedding. As selfish and ugly as I felt her heart was, she still managed to find the perfect husband.  I am not just talking about an amazing husband, I am talking about one that waits on her hand and foot.  She never has to lift a finger for anything.  It wasn’t fair.  She didn’t deserve the constant showers of cotton candy and loveliness.  Here I sit venting to Brunette BFF...as though my life is terrible compared to hers.  Here she was with the perfect wedding, perfect husband, and perfect house.  I felt she didn’t deserve any of it.  I was spitting the most abominable, heinous words out.  I actually said the words, “I hope something bad happens to her.  I hope when she manages to get pregnant that she gains 420 pounds and her baby comes out ugly...I hope that two years into her marriage, she ends up divorced.”

I am now ashamed of those words.  I still talk about this girl from time to time with Brunette BFF.  I say things more in a joking way now, but it still is my ugliness shining through.  Honestly?  Now comes the truth.  Why the hell should I be jealous?  Do you know how good my life is?  I am married to a wonderful man.  I have an amazing child, and an amazing marriage.  I am one of the few woman who can honestly say I can’t wait to get home in the evenings to spend time with my husband.  My son has grown up to be a respectful young man.  He has his flaws, but you know what?  He is beautiful and healthy.  I had the wedding I wanted, in our home surrounded not by 500 people, but surrounded by the 18 most important people.  What did I have to gripe about?  Who the hell am I to wish horrible things on someone?  Disgusting, that’s what I am.  

Brunette BFF says to me, “You think her life is easy and everything is handed to her...she may be spoiled...but you know what?  God dealt her the hand she could handle, and nothing more.  He chose to make you strong.  He threw you curve balls because he knew you could handle them.  He put speed bumps in your way because he knew you would slow down and think.  THEN he thought you needed a break, so he handed you your Royal Flush.”

I am embarrassed that I said the things I said.  I am more mortified that I meant them.  I was sincere in my hateful words. You know what?  Brunette BFF was right.  I was wishing horrid things on someone when the truth is, it isn’t my business why God made it easy on her.  Maybe God didn’t make it easy! What do I know?  I don’t know every little challenge she has. What I do know is that God dealt me a wicked sweet hand.  I am happy and healthy.  I have a wonderful, loving husband.  I have the most amazing son that anyone could ever ask for.  I have an adorable dog and a magnificent home.  I have food on my table and my body is free from cancer.  I think I am the lucky one.

W for Who Shot JR?

W is for Who Shot JR?  

As a little girl I remember going to bed when the theme song for Dallas came on.  This was an adult show that I was not allowed to watch.  I could still hum the song perfectly.  I couldn’t wait until I was grown up enough to watch this show.  We even got our picture taken in front of the South Fork Ranch that the show took place at.

I am not sure why I thought I was missing something, but the theme song made enough of an impact that when the show came back, I was ecstatic.  We immediately starting taping the episodes and I was hooked.  WOW, it was so much better than I ever imagined!  This show was filled with deviant twists and turns.  It was like reality on steroids!  It didn’t matter to me that all the characters had grown up, because I didn’t know the characters the first time around.  

As a kid, I remember playing this game on my fingers.  All the cool kids did it.  Start with your thumb and work your way to your pinkie.  Say a word for each finger. When you are on the last word, put that finger down.  Who-shot-J-R...ring finger down.  Who-shot-J-R...pinkie down.  The last time you start with your middle finger and head towards your thumb...Who-Shot-J-R...middle finger down.  Then you take your thumb and pointing finger (the only two left) and position it like a gun and aim it at the other person and scream...”YOU DID!”   

Little did I know, this silly little game was totally legit.  So when season two of the new show ended, I was left to wonder who shot JR?  I’m so excited for the next season!  I feel so grown up watching this grown up show!  Little Man is hooked too.  Probably not the most educational show he could watch, but I call it family time.  I don’t want him to grow up feeling the emptiness inside that I felt.  Just kidding, really it’s the only way to get him to stay quiet for an entire 45 minutes (excluding commercials). 

If you aren’t watching this show, I recommend it.  It is 45 minutes of pure awesomeness.  Get the first two seasons on DVD and catch up before the third one starts!!

V for Validate Your Credentials

V is for Validate Your Credentials.  Chief recently had a six month dentist check up.  This was not like every other visit that he has had in the last 43 years.  Nope. This one had bad news.  You might want to sit for this.

Chief: I had a cavity.

Me: Cool.

Chief: Did you hear me?  I had a freaking cavity!  I have never in my life had a cavity!

Me: Welcome to the dark side...where people have flaws, baby.

Chief: They took care of it.  

Me: Already? That was fast.

Chief: Well, they told me and I didn’t believe it.  The dentist said he had some extra time and he could fix it now...

Me: So you did?  Good.  

Chief: Well, not at first.  I told him no.  Then he left and the hygienist told me I would need to get it taken care of soon.  I asked how soon and she said next month.  Then I was all...wait a minute.  Show me the x-ray so I can see the cavity.

Me: Of course you asked to see it.  Of course you doubted their judgment on what a cavity looks like...because you yourself have gone to dental school and know exactly what a cavity looks like on an x-ray. This does NOT surprise me in the least bit.

Chief: So they showed it to me...and you know what?

Me: They offered you a job because they were so impressed with your mad x-ray-reading-skills?

Chief: No, I had a cavity!  I could see it.  

Me: Of course you could.

Chief: So they fixed it on the spot.  

Me: Hmm.  How did ya like that?

Chief: I don’t want that to happen again.  

Me: No one does, baby.  No one does.

After spending a week in Tennessee with his parents, I felt the need to point out that he should be grateful he has teeth at all.  His dad has none.  How do I know this?  Because before every meal he pulls the false ones out of his mouth and places them next to his plate.  For everyone to see.  Hoo-rah.

        

U for Ummm

U is for Ummm.  If you had to be handcuffed to someone for a day, who would it be?  Anyone in the world...dead or alive.  Who would you choose?  Who’s brain would you like to pick for the day?  Or do you just want to be in the presence of greatness?  Maybe you are thinking 

This is a really tough decision.  I could go with the obvious...

I mean, look at him.  Why wouldn’t you?  YUM!  Things I would ask him...  How did you become so hot?  Is it hard work being beautiful?  How about you just leave your shirt off for the day...here, just hand it to me...I will get it out of your way (as I shove it in my purse).  Things we would do for the day: Go to breakfast...then spend the afternoon walking around the mall...then lunch...then the beach...then dinner...then just somewhere so I can sit and pick his brain.  Who am I kidding, I don’t want to pick his brain, I just want to go sit somewhere that I can look at him!!  HOT-NESS.  

Or I could go with the right answer...the one that makes me look good...

I feel like when you are a Christian, and you are asked that question, you have to answer Jesus.  Right?  I mean if I left it at Vin Diesel wouldn’t people think: She is so shallow...why wouldn’t she pick Jesus??  I am not saying Jesus isn’t interesting...I just don’t think he would be my first choice.  I definitely have a list of questions I would ask him.  What was it like living with the pressure of knowing everyone is depending on you?  Was your mom pretty cool?  Was she really strict with you?  Why do you let bad things happen?  How much room is up there in heaven?  What do you guys do up there?  Do you have salt?  Is eating so much salt a sin...I know being a gluten is sinful...would eating a bunch of salt qualify as that?  If I were handcuffed to Jesus, I would probably take him somewhere with good food...(McDonalds?) and just sit the entire day.  

I would also love to be handcuffed to this lady for the day....

She is fabulous, and I would love to just hang out with her for the day.  I don’t really have any questions for her, I would just be in awe of her all day.  I might ask if we could just do whatever she would normally do on a weekend (minus the twins of course).  Living a day in her shoes would be magnificent.  

Then there is the wifely answer...

Kidding.  Actually, for real.  He is in a semi-powerful position.  He does hiring and firing.  He gets to eat lunch out every day.  His calendar is booked from 8:30 to 5:30.  What is it like to be that busy?  When he has a moment to spare, someone walks into his office and ties him up until the next appointment starts.  What is it like being that important?  I want to feel large and in charge!  Actually, I do.  I am a teacher.  Whatever, I couldn’t even get that out without rolling my eyes.  Those kids run the show...only because I let them.  I love my babies.  Back to him...I could totally be handcuffed to him for the day.  I know I wouldn’t be bored.  Things I would ask him: Can I play with that cool pen?  Hey, when are we going to fire someone that needs a little more than a pee-pee slap?  What’s for lunch?  When’s the next thing?  Are you going to interview any hot guys?  Do you have any snacks in here?  Can I listen in on that conversation?  Holy cow, does that say 300 unread emails?  What time did you say we are eating lunch?  If I am lucky, he might let me stay for 30 minutes.  Then I guarantee I would be on the outside looking in. 

There are too many choices, and too little time.  I have to go to bed.  I will let you know later who I choose.  

T for Tree Leaves

T is for Tree Leaves.  I have a strange habit.  Okay, I have a lot of strange habits.  I am going to write about one in particular though...putting a price on everything.  I know you have heard people say: You couldn’t pay me to do that!  Here is the deal.  I think you can pay someone to do something...at a certain price.  The challenge is to find that cut off.  

This is a game I often play on my own while driving.  I will see a tree that isn’t fully leaved, but has less than a third left.  I think in my mind: How much would someone have to pay me to climb that tree and pick every single leaf off by hand?  I know this is ludicrous...but is just how my mind entertains itself.  Would I do it for $200?  Let’s just say it is a tree that would cause me to move the ladder MANY times.  If it has four large main branches coming out like this:

Then we are talking at least $3,000.  But for a tree like this:

I would probably be in and out for about $200.  

Does anyone else do this?  Or am I the only odd one.  Don’t answer that.  

I’m driving and I pass a river...swamp area.  

How much to cross it without a boat?  Many things come into play here.  Could there be snakes?  Sharks (they CAN be in rivers)?  What is the temperature?  Am I allowed to wear a body suit that protects me from any creature that is under me?  Any water challenge is going to require big bucks...because I am not a fan.  On the perfect day, no wind, sunny, and NO creatures under me...I’d probably do it for about $1,500.  Yeah, that is a lot.  

I’m driving past a tall light post.  

How much to climb it?  I would probably shimmy up one of these babies for about $100.  

Here are some other things I have put a price on.

1. Picking up all the acorns up by hand under a 150 year old acorn tree that produces them by the buckets?  $600
2. Clean my windshield with my tongue? $5,000 and a bottle of Listerine.  
3. Pick up all the dog poo with my bare hand (no more than 15 piles)? Fresh poo: $400  Old poo: $200  Rain-soaked poo: $300
4. Jumping off a bridge (safe height) into the water? $10,000 if there is a boat waiting for me.  If I have to swim to shore? $25,000
5. Climb up into a 100 foot tall tree and spend the night? Alone where Edward Cullen could get me? $950  With my husband (who hasn’t yet agreed to the challenge)? $450
6. Count every car from Boston’s Fenway Park to the Empire State Building (fastest route of course)? From a helicopter? $250  From a hot air balloon? $550 (just because it will take much longer).  
7. Putting up Christmas lights in a field of 25 Christmas trees.  Gotcha!  No cost...haven’t you read my Christmas clutter blog?  Come on!

I have recently dragged other people into this weird world of mine.  If I am on a trip with the Chief, I will ask him these questions.  The first time I asked, Rainman questioned me to death.  

Me: How much money would I have to pay you to get you to wash all the windows on the Sears Tower?

Chief: That depends.  How many windows does it have?

Me: Who knows. 

Chief: Well in order to give you a fair price, I would need to know how many windows.

Me: Okay, let me google it.  16,000.

Chief: What size is each window?  

Me: Seriously?? 12x12.

Chief: How tall is it?

Me: 1,454 feet tall, Rainman.  How much?

Chief: Is it raining?

Me: Nope, it’s sunny.

Chief: Is the wind blowing?

Me: Maybe a little.

Chief: Which direction?

Me: You are sucking the fun right out of this.

Chief: You think this is fun?  I could lose my life washing these windows!

Me: South, the wind is blowing to the freaking south. 

Chief: What time do I need to start?

Me: OMG.

Chief: It matters.

Me: None of this matter dipshit, it’s just a game.

Chief: Then YOU wash the damn windows! 

Me: Fine! I would have had them done by now if I didn’t have to stop to answer so many stupid questions!

Chief: You won’t think they are stupid when you are up there with the wind blowing and the sun baking the back of your neck as you are on window number 8 out of 16,000! 

Me: I’m cutting the rope and falling to my death...game over!

Chief: Rope?  You didn’t tell me I was hanging by a friggin rope!  How thick is the rope?

Me: Stop, stop now.  

He no longer questions why I am asking him such absurd things.  He gets it.  He loves me for who I am, and gives me a sufficient answer.  I question him until he says, “No more money questions.”  Then I move onto Little Man who will do anything for a buck.  I was with my mom once and asked her the picking-the-leaves question.  She looked at me oddly and decided to play along.  She gave me a reasonable price, then laughed and said, “Only you, honey.”  

Next time you are in the car with your spouse, ask him.  It’s interesting to see how much money it will take to buy a little insanity.     

S for Socks

S is for socks.  About a month ago, I was offered an amazing opportunity.  To play in a teachers vs. students volleyball game.  I immediately accepted along with the other two teachers on my team.  I went home that evening and told the Chief, who quickly deflated my happiness balloon.  Here is how that went:

Me: Babe, guess what?

Chief: You got a raise?

Me: Nope...better!!

Chief: You won a car?

Me: Nope...even better!  I’m going to play in a volleyball game in a few weeks!!  Teachers against the students!! Wait until you see what I am going to wear!  I am going to get really cute tall socks, pink of course.  I am going to wear my pink shorts with a hot pink shirt, and of course I will have my black and pink shoes.  Oh and a pink bow!  This is going to be awesome.

Chief: You do realize you have agreed to doing an athletic sport....

Me: Yup, it will be fun!

Chief: Is the point to win?

Me: Well, yeah...duh.

Chief: Have you ever played volleyball?

Me: Nope, but that’s okay.  It doesn’t look hard.

Chief: Fantastic.  Can I come watch?

Me: Really?  You want to come to the school and watch me kick some butt?

Chief: No, I want to watch you come and land ON your butt!

Me: Seriously?  It can’t be that hard.  I mean you hit a ball over the net.  Anyone can do that.

Chief: Sure.  Little Man, go grab me one of Molly’s soft balls.

Me: Why?

Chief: Let’s just practice.  I want to watch you hit it.

Me: Okay, this is awesome!  I am going to be so good.

Chief: Good...like you are at other sports?

Me: I don’t play other...

Chief: Exactly.  Okay, I’m going to throw it.  Are you ready?

Me: Wait, what am I doing with it?  There is no net!  

Chief: You don’t need a net, just hit the ball, I will catch it.

Me: But I don’t have the correct sporting attire on...

Chief: Let’s just pretend you do, just like you are going to pretend to know how to play.

Me: Hush your mouth and throw the damn ball.

Chief: Okay, here it comes...one...two...three...

Me: OW! Okay, that hurt my arm. I can’t do this in the house...I don’t have to be good at it.  I can play.

Chief: Do you know the rules of the game?

Me: Yes, Rainman.  I know the rules.  Hit the ball over the net. Score.

Chief: Is there an admittance fee for me to come watch?

Me: You are going to be shocked at how good I am!

Fast forward three weeks.  Game day.  All the teachers are out in a circle on the court practicing hitting it to each other.  I take a position in the circle.  I notice how good these teachers are.  They are ummm....legit.  And I ummm...look cute.  The ball shoots in the air.  I watch it fly towards me.  I quickly cover my head with my arms (soldier-preparing-for-a-bomb style)...and let out a scream.  Shake it off, shake it off.  Okay, this could be a problem.  Not only am I not good, but I am terrified the ball is going to knock out my front teeth.  I quickly scramble to grab the ball which is now rolling across the gym.  I tackle it and run back to the circle.  Now what.  They are all staring at me to start the warm-up again.  Instead of hitting it off my wrist, I toss it to the teacher next to me.  Excellent.  What the hell did I sign up for?  

Whistle blows.  Round one, I get the spot in the middle back (which I purposely chose in hopes that the time would run out before I had to serve).  I managed to avoid most of the balls that came my way.  MOST.  There was one that I couldn’t possibly avoid.  I saw it coming and let out a girly-ass scream before hitting it in the air (another teacher came to the rescue and hit it over the net from there).  As soon as she hit it over, the entire team came over and patted me on the back.  Great, I am so bad that they had to make a REALLY big deal about the one ball I hit.  Two positions later, and I found myself in the serving position.  Crap.  This was going to be disastrous. 

I turned back and looked at the coach (who happens to be the other LA teacher on my team).  She nodded at me assuring me I could do this.  She showed me the motion once again.  I turned back and glanced at my 7th graders in the stands.  I held my hand up to my ear and they stood up and starting screaming for me.  These sweet angels made us signs with our names on them that they could hold up at the game.  There they were, standing and screaming for me.  I turned back to the net that was at least a football field away, and swung my arm back while balancing the ball on my other hand.  One...two...the Chief’s voice ringing in my ears...three....

Let’s just say, I looked cute.  

R for Rant

R is for ranting.  I wrote this blog a year ago...  I am pulling it out now because I am exhausted and don't have the energy to think up an awesome blog to impress you.  So enjoy...

I am going to talk about a problem that I face almost every day as a substitute teacher.  Every classroom has a student with behavior problems.  Some classroom have multiple students, some only have one.  I have found that EVERY classroom has at least one.  Sometimes the teachers leave a note warning you about the student, and other times they like you to just have fun figuring that out on your own.

The problem I have, is how the school district handles these students.  For example.  I recently subbed for a 2nd grade class.  There was a problem student that I wasn’t warned about.  Sometimes, when I am given a heads-up, I immediately approach that student and comment on their work.  Flooding a “troubled” student with praises is sometimes all it takes for a sub to make it through the day.  All I need to do is stand over her/him and say, “Oh my gosh, you ROCK at that! I can’t believe you have completed that much already, and look...they are right!”  After filling that student with praises, only makes them want more, in turn they work harder.  I also ask that student questions I might have throughout the day, to make them feel special or make them feel like a leader.  Ninety-five percent of the time, this works well.  Not only is the “trouble-maker” eating out of my hands, but they are working hard.  I can’t tell you how many paraprofessionals have commented on how amazed they are, saying things like: “I have never seen her/him act that good!  I have never seen her/him work so hard and complete his/her work!”  Don’t worry, I am not letting my head swell.  I am fully aware that this is easy on a short-term basis.  If I were the everyday classroom teacher, the compliments and encouragement may wear off a bit.  I understand that.  So when I am NOT warned, I am not really able to approach it with this attitude.  Back to the story.  So I was in the second grade class and had a problem student that I wasn‘t warned about.  So we go out to recess, and I see this student punch another student.  I immediately run over and tell him that is NOT acceptable behavior and that he needs to come with me.  He turns to me and screams, “SHUT UP!”  Stunned, I step back.  He heads the other direction.  He is walking, and I am walking behind him telling him he needs to stop.  He turns at screams at me again to shut up.  I continue to follow him.  One of the other teachers on duty sees me and approaches me saying, “He does this all the time, it is best to just let him go and ignore the behavior.”  

Therein lies the problem.

I’m sorry.  A child that punches another student, and screams at me to shut up, gets ignored?  Please tell me your kidding.  I ignore her and continue to follow him.  I follow him into the school, through the cafeteria, down the hall, past the front office (where I poke my head in and inform them they have a student walking out the front door), and through the front door.  I am jogging to keep up with his fast pace.  I am pleading with him to stop.  Finally the principal runs up to me and says, “I will take it from here.”  She walks over to him, where he screams at her.  She says a few things to him and then walks him over to me.  She said, “I am going to take him to the playroom to wind down.”  For those of you that aren’t familiar with the schools today, many of them have a padded room.  They call it many different things, but basically it is a room that has padded walls and a jungle gym or exercise equipment of some kind.  They have this room available for kids to work off a little energy...kids that misbehave for the most part.  Excellent, lets reward them with their own special room.  So she takes him.  

I am standing there half stunned.  Where the hell is my apology?  Let me explain what the school system has resorted to for whatever reason.  They take the out-of-control kids, and the allow them to treat teachers, adults, and other students like crap, and they just turn the other way because that is just how he is.  You know what?  I bet I can fix him the old fashioned way...the way they did it when I was a kid.  Grab me a three inch thick piece of wood and I guarantee you I will fix him.  No, No, No, the better solution is to let him go play for a while.  Then send him back to the class to repeat the episode when he wants to go play again.  Excellent.  God, we are smart.

Am I the only one that thinks this is absurd?  I mean this isn’t just a little odd.  This is preposterous!  What does that teach them?  I will tell you what it teaches them.  It teaches them to continue the behavior, because not only do they not get punished like all the other kids, but the get to have free time away from the class and away from work.  So instead of fixing the problem, we are encouraging it.  

I want to make it very clear that I am not talking about SPED kids (thats a whole other blog topic).  I am talking about kids with behavior issues...aka good old brats.  I know this is going to be one of my biggest challenges as a teacher.  Being politically correct.  I struggle with it now.  Maybe it is the way I was raised, maybe it is because I am old fashioned.  But allowing children to control adults is setting them up for failure as an adult.  We are teaching them they will always get their way.  We are teaching them they don’t have to follow the same rules as anyone else.  We are labeling them “problem kid,” which will follow them through high school.  We are allowing them to think disrespect, anger, frustration, and childish behavior is acceptable in society.  They need to have consequences for the outlandish behavior.  By consequences, I don’t mean reward.  

I am definitely going to need prayers when it comes time for me to have my own classroom.  From the moment they meet me, they will understand where my boundaries are.  I absolutely WILL NOT allow a student to stand up in my classroom and make a scene because it’s just the way he is.  I WILL NOT allow a student to talk disrespectfully to me or to another student.  I will draw those lines on day one.  They will be clear.  I really feel that if the rules are clear from the beginning, maybe I won’t have as much of a problem.  I am fully aware I am going to still have these challenging kids in my classroom.  Part of that excites me as a teacher.  I WANT to be able to have a challenge.  If a teacher isn’t challenged, then what fun is teaching?  I want to make a difference in the lives of EVERY student.  Not just the ones that behave, but the ones that don’t too.  I want to show these students that boundaries are important.  I want them to get an education, they deserve that.  I understand there are rules by law that I will have to follow, and of course they will be followed.  I just think there is a better way to handle these kids.  I WILL be successful.  I WILL love these special children.  They will KNOW I love them.  They will KNOW I respect them enough to encourage them to behave.  In school I had a teacher that didn’t take crap from NO ONE.  Ya know what?  She is the reason I went to school to be a teacher.  She made a difference.  Even the kids that were behavioral problems, were perfect in her class.  I want to have that kind of influence on a student.  THAT is my goal.  I am going to make a difference.  I am going to fill these trouble makers with love and compliments.  I am going to be understanding to their needs, but I am not going to lie to them.  I am not going to let them carry on this label of “problem kid”.  It ends in my class.  I will make each of them my goal for the year.  Wish me luck and pray for me.    

Q for Quotes

Q is for Quotes.  I am running out of things to blog about.  They are getting boring...and I am sorry.  This has turned out to be quite the challenge.  I thought I was a writer until I took on this challenge of writing every day.  This is tough.  

Some quotes that make me giggle.

1. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.  
2. My husband and I always compromise.  I admit I’m wrong and he agrees with me.  Those of you that know the Chief, know just how true this is.  The man is rarely wrong.  As much as I hate it, it’s true.  Rainman. 
3. You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says ‘After 300 feet, stop and let me out!’ I love this one because we always talk to ours like she is in the car with us.  Mine is set to say, ‘Warning’ if I am going ten miles over.  That witch yells at me the entire way to the mall.  I know she is just jealous that she can’t get out with me.  Or maybe she is sick of listening to Little Man talk so she feels the need to yell over him.  Either way, it’s annoying as hell. 
4. What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? “Man Overboard!” This quote is the reason I don’t go in the ocean.  You know my biggest fear is sharks.  I will remind you...Sharks Post...OR...Key West
5. I have six locks on my door all in a row.  When I go out, I lock every other one.  I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.-Elayne Boosler This is brilliant.  
6. Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.  Ain’t this the damn truth?  Why would someone ruin a cookie by sticking raisins in them?  DE-SCUST-ING!  This is is bad as eating a carrot cake.  Who the hell puts a vegetable in a  cake mix and calls it dessert?  I don’t get it.  
7. Thanks to Facebook, I now know what everyone’s bathroom looks like! Good Lord.  Love this.  What is the deal with the pictures of yourself in front of the mirror with the fish face? I have a niece that take a picture of herself everyday and posts it.  *Chief’s BFF: This DOES NOT mean you. You were ADORABLE showing off your new clothes!!  I’m talking about the idiots that think they are hot shit and post bathroom pics every other day.   
8. Liking your own status is like high-fiving yourself in public. This made me just LOL. 

Okay, enough of this lame post.  Courtney: 17  Me: -4  :(

P for Pull-for-help

P is for Pull For Help.  Here’s the deal.  Remember how I count tiles in the bathroom?  Let me remind you... Bathroom Phobia. Almost all bathrooms have something to count if you need to keep yourself busy.  Another thing bathrooms have? Pull-for-help strings.  Did you ever wonder what these are for? 

So what qualifies as needing help?  Possible Scenarios:

1. You chose to eat about four extra slices of cheese the day before.  You’re a little bound up.  You go in to drop off the Browns at the Super Bowl and nothing is happening.  You know somethings gotta give but you need that little extra assistance.  Instead of grabbing the forceps, you pull the string for help.
2. You are on your phone, engrossed deeply in a serious back-and-forth text message conversation.  You are all: I heart you. And he is all: You are beautiful, baby.  You are all: Will you please come home early, I miss you, honey.  He is all: I can’t think of anything but you right now... Then BAM! While reaching for the toilet paper, your ass slips off the seat and you land face first into the tiles that you had previously counted.  Instead of picking yourself up, you pull the string for help.
3. You are in the bathroom bored.  You have just spent the last three hours walking around the mall...all alone.  You have no one to talk to and nothing to do.  You simply want someone to talk to.  Instead of calling your sister, you pull the string for help.
4. You have spent the last six years in and out of relationships.  You have tried every online dating service that was created.  You have been set up on four too many blind dates.  Instead of walking into a bar, you pull the string and pray your prince charming comes running.

So let’s just assume you have your reason (no matter which number above fits your situation).  What happens when you pull that string?  Does someone actually come running?  Who sits on the other end of that alarm?  Does it get fielded through some India call center?  Does someone start speaking to you when you pull it?  Or is there an actual job that required you to be the person that comes and helps?  Can you imagine applying for that job?  

Interviewer: What skills do you have that will assist you in performing in this position?

Interviewee: I can run really well...and I am very familiar with restrooms.  I have spent a good amount of time in them.  The throne and I are on a first-name-basis.

I will forever wonder what will happen when you pull-for-help.  I see these things in so many bathrooms.  I have taken some pictures for your pleasure.  If you ever happen to pull one of these and something miraculous happens...please let me know.  It will satisfy a curiosity that I have carried with me for years.