Did you know God has a sense of humor? I love my Frisco church. I love going, despite the fact I don’t know anyone. I walk in, and I feel this instant relief. I immediately feel his presence and his arms surrounding me. There is one thing that I detest about church....the 60 second greet-your-neighbor time. Why does every church require this 60 seconds of pure agony? I would rather pluck my eyelashes out one by one with salad tongs then sit through this 60 seconds every Sunday. When you are a member, this is the time when you walk around and greet your friends. When you aren’t a member, this is the time that you shake the hands of the people in front of you, and the people behind you, then stand there like an idiot for the next 55 seconds. Just to make matters even more interesting, my church puts the 60 second count down on the screen for everyone to see. A majority of the people don’t even notice it. Then you have me. I stand there and watch the stupid number tick down to one, praying that someone would just come up and knock me out of my misery with a four pound bible. You know how you feel when you are in middle school and it is time to pick teams? Each kid is picked one by one until only you and a girl with a bum leg are left. The team captain lets out the sign and calls your name. It is middle school all over. No one picks me to say hello to, so I just stand there, like an idiot...and wait.
A few Sundays ago, I was running late. Surprisingly, I wasn’t stressed at all because I know that the first five minutes are singing, then the 60 seconds of hell, then back to another 20 minutes of singing, then the preaching starts. I was running about ten minutes behind, and knew it would be perfect timing to miss the 60 seconds of stand-there-like-an-idiot time. I got in my vehicle (actually Blond BFF’s vehicle that I use while I am in Texas), and started the 15 minute trip to the church. Of course I hit every red light. Now my ten minutes of lateness has stretched into 16 minutes of being late. I was starting to get frustrated. When I hit the last red light, closest to the church, I threw up my hands and said, “Seriously, God? I am trying to do right by going to church, and you are going to make me hit every red light? I don’t want to miss the sermon!” As the light turned green, I floored it all the way to the parking lot where I sped into the “visitors” spot. Why join a church when you get to park up front as a visitor? So I all but run into the church. When I walk into the foyer, I don’t hear music. I silently cursed myself because I didn’t want to be THAT late. As I opened the door to the sanctuary, I realized they were doing announcements. As I sighed with relief, I made my way towards the front of the church (I like to sit up front where I don’t have distractions). I slide into a seat on the end, four rows back and sit down. I reach into my purse for my bible just as the announcer says, “Now, everyone stand up and take a minute to greet those around you.”
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