Little Man

Some people think that life starts when you are born, or even before that, when a heart starts beating in the womb.  For me, my life started when I got pregnant with my Little Man.  

This is the Brunette BFF with my newborn Little Man

Little Man turned thirteen this past month.  When I stop and think about it, it is so hard for me to grasp this concept.  I have had this person in my life for 13 years.  My child.  My baby.  My only baby.  When I hear this song, I think of him.    

"Brighter Than The Sun"

Stop me on the corner

I swear you hit me like a vision

I, I, I wasn't expecting

But who am I to tell fate where it's supposed to go with it

Don't you blink you might miss it

See we got a right to just love it or leave it

You find it and keep it

Cause it ain't every day you get the chance to say

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart

It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun

Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky

Shining how we want, brighter than the sun

I've never seen it, I found this love, I'm gonna feed it

You better believe, I'm gonna treat it better than anything I've ever had

Cause you're so damn beautiful

Read it, it's signed and delivered let's seal it

Boy we go together like peanuts and paydays and Marley and reggae

And everybody needs to get a chance to say

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart

It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun

Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky

Shining how we want, brighter than the sun

Everything is like a white out, cause we shika-shika a shine down

Even when the, when the light's out but I can see you glow

Got my head up in the rafters, got me happy ever after

Never felt this way before, ain't felt this way before

I swear you hit me like a vision

I, I, I wasn't expecting

But who am I to tell fate where it's supposed to go?

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart

It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun

Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky

Shining how we want, brighter than the sun, yeah

Oho, yeah, oho

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart

It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun

Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky

Shining how we want, brighter than the sun, yeah

Brighter than the sun.

Brighter than the sun.

Brighter than the sun.

Oho, yeah, oho

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart

It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart

It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart

It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart

It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun

This song hits so close to my heart in so many ways.  He hit me like a vision.  I wasn’t expecting him.  But who am I to tell fate where its supposed to go?  I was 18 years old when I got pregnant.  It is safe to say he wasn’t planned.  I was young and I was scared.  When I gave birth to him, I looked at his little face and knew at that moment he was my world.  I knew my life was different.  My life had meant nothing until that point.  After 48 hours of unforgiving labor, I held that tiny little man in my arms and knew I would do anything for him.  He WAS so damn beautiful.  He was mine and I was his.  He became my everything.  This is how it started.  Lightning striked my heart that very moment.  I wanted nothing more than to keep him close to me and safe.  I never felt ownership over anything before.  I was still a child myself.  Until he came along...

His one-year picture

This is the Blond BFF with the Little Man and his personality.

Beautiful Face

All Mine

Love this picture.  It is like he has a secret.

When he was less than a week old, friends of his biological father came over.  A woman, that brought her two young children.  I nervously handed over my life to her outstretched hands.  I sat and watched her ohhhh and awwww over my treasure.  I also watched her small children peer over his little face reaching their dirty little hands out and touching him.  I couldn’t take it.  I went back to my bedroom, went into my closet, sat down on the floor and cried.  My mother (who happened to also be visiting at the same time), came in and asked what was wrong.  I frantically told her that they had their dirty little hands all over my baby.  I wanted nothing more than to put a bubble around him and keep him safe from every germ and every stranger.  My mom, the strong woman she is, marched out into the living room, told the woman it was time to go, and starting putting her children’s shoes on their feet.  THAT is a woman that protects her child, in turn she taught me to protect mine.  

I haven’t made the best decisions with him.  I am the first to say I have made MANY mistakes.  I think every parent has.  Maybe I have made more, maybe I have made less.  

One of the biggest mistakes I made was doubting my ability to be a good mother.  I thought I was doing a terrible job, and decided to give his birth father a chance at raising him.  This was three months of his life that I didn’t have him.  I had him every other weekend, but that was it.  The tables had turned.  Until I got a phone call early one morning.  A phone call that no mother wants to receive.  My life quickly came tumbling down.  Now I KNEW I had failed.  I had made a potentially deathly decision on behalf of my child, my life.  The Chief and I, made a three hour drive in 2.5 hours.  I picked up my Little Man, I gathered everything he owned and grabbed him to my chest.  I could have lost my child.  I was lucky.  God had his hands around my Little Man that day, protecting him.  At that moment I knew I would NEVER let him go again.  My selfish decision could have costed me my sanity.  I have still made mistakes, none thankfully, as dangerous as letting him out of my life temporarily.  

This Little Man is such an amazing kid.  He is no longer my tiny baby.  He is a teenager.  He is witty, he picks that up from the Chief.  He is smart, he gets that from me.  But most of all, he has this beauty that radiates from his face.  He is such a delightful kid, inside and out.  I am so lucky that on that day, 13 years ago, he hit me like a vision. Brighter than the sun.  I can’t wait to see what an amazing man he turns out to be.  I love you, Little Man.