Warranty Drawer

Okay, so everyone has inside family jokes right?  I am going to share one with you.  Actually, this post is directed towards the Chief.  The joke is old, Jack Wagon.  I love you, but if you say it again I might have to poke you in the pancreas AND kick you in the kidneys.  

  In our home in Texas, I had a drawer in the kitchen.  In this drawer I put the warranty/manual information for every electronic in the house.  I called it the “warranty drawer”.  So when something was broke, I would go to that drawer and pull out the information on it.  I used it more for the manuals than anything.  It didn’t start off organized, but in my defense the fact that all the manuals made it into the drawer is a success story in itself.  So when I was trying to clean off the counter, sometimes I would toss in a couple of other of my things.  This was my drawer, I created it.  I had the right to put anything in it I wanted to, right?  I mean women have their underwear drawer, do you only keep underwear in it?  I can tell you right now, my mother keeps her chocolate in hers.  It is our area, we are allowed to put what we want in it.  The warranty drawer was as sacred as my underwear drawer.  It was MINE.  If I want to toss in a phone charger, an iPod, or a few of my receipts, why the hell can’t I?  It is MY space.  MINE.  Well, years of throwing in a couple of random things, the drawer built up to a little more than a warranty drawer.  But, it’s all good, because it was still my drawer, and it is where I put things I didn’t want to lose.  So if was frantically searching the house for something, the Chief would say, “Did you check the warranty drawer?”  It was cute.  At first.  Five years later?  Not. So. Much.  So if the little man couldn’t find his shoes, the Chief would say, “Have Mom check the warranty drawer.”  Okay, Jack Wagon, it is a TINY LITTLE DRAWER.  It doesn’t fit a pair of tennis shoes.  Again, the first few times?  Funny.  After the 86th time, it is about as funny as Grandma falling down on the ice.  One evening, I went in the garage and the truck wasn’t there (Chief had it parked out front).  I went back into the house and said, “Where is the truck?”  Without hesitation he responds, “Check the warranty drawer.”  That day, I cleaned that warranty drawer.  I cleaned the hell out of that drawer.  That drawer shined so much it was blinding.  I got a binder and organized those manuals and warranties by categories.  You think the Container store is organized?  I made that stupid Container Store look like a hoarder’s closet.  Not only that, but I cleaned all the other random stuff out.  So the only thing that was in there was the warranties.  It was Beast (Little Man’s word for AWESOME).  I was so proud and showed the Chief.  He could no longer say, “Check the warranty drawer”. Or. So. I. Thought.  Half and hour later, something went missing, and he sent me straight to my stupid drawer that was now my biggest enemy.  It was then that I realized that I was never going to escape the torture from this ten by fourteen inch space.  If that wasn’t bad enough, he got the family involved.  Mom would be over looking for a serving spoon and the Chief would say, “Check the warranty drawer.”  After yelling, “I DON’T PUT SPOONS IN THE DAMN WARRANTY DRAWER!” he took the time to explain the situation.  So it became a stupid joke.  Stupid.  Not Funny.  

So when we moved to Connecticut, guess what I did?  I put that damn warranty binder in the basement.  No more jokes.  Look who’s laughing now, My Love!  No more, “Check the warranty drawer”.  THERE IS NO FREAKING WARRANTY DRAWER, BUDDY!  THERE IS NO DRAWER AT ALL!  HA!  

After about a month, I tried to sneak in another drawer.  It was my drawer, no warranties, just my stuff.  It is a conglomeration of all kinds of things.  I don’t need to share with you the contents of my special drawer.  I didn’t even think he knew about it.  After all, he doesn’t know where the washer and dryer are...how the hell is he going to find a tiny drawer?  He did.  And what does he call it?  The Warranty Drawer.  And what does he do when something is missing?  He tells me to Check. The. Warranty. Drawer.