Interview 2

My last post was pleading for prayers...

I feel it is only fair, since I made such a request, to let you know if it worked.  

What I failed to tell you, was that Tuesday was not only my test, but a job interview.  This is only the third position I have been able to apply for.  This is only second interview I have been called in for.  Remember the first interview?  The one where I shoved my foot in my mouth and then slowly swallowed?  Let me remind you, one of their questions was: What book are you currently reading?  Instead of lying through my teeth with: The Scarlet Letter, I went with: Fifty Shades of Porn...I mean Grey.  Then to make matters worse, I followed it with: Probably not something you should put on the 7th grade summer reading list.  Open.  Mouth.  Insert.  Dirty.  Tennis.  Shoe. 

Well, my interview was at 11:30, and the TEST was at 3:30.  So Tuesday was a STRESSFUL day.  I will start off with the interview.  

I walk in, a safe 15 minutes early, and sit down.  The secretary tells me they are running late.  I immediately hear country music in the background.  I am immediately relieved and feel that is a good sign.  I NEVER hear country music playing in this state...I DO however see life-size cut-outs of Obama in the school offices.  You can imagine my relief to not be slapped in the face with Obama, but instead be calmed with music from my hometown.  I sit and wait...and wait...and wait some more.  As I am sitting there, I look down at my stomach.  That morning I strapped myself down with everything but duct tape to hide my pregnant belly.  Then I covered it even more with a loose top.  Even though it is a surrogacy, and I won’t be taking a maternity leave, I didn’t want to go in flaunting the belly.  My name is called.  I go back and again enter a room full of people.  Same as last time.  THIS time I was ready for the book question.  I had two books that I was going to name, that are very commendable books.  No more mommy porn for me ladies and gentleman.  I am loaded up with sophistication!  Or so I thought.     

Woman across from me: With Language Arts being your background, would you be okay teaching Social Studies?

Me: Sure!  Social Studies is a mindless subject, just tell me what you want taught, and I can assure you I will run with it.

  

Man to my left: Hey, Heidi.  I am the basketball coach.  And.  The.  Social.  Studies.  Teacher.  Since my subject is mindless, what is an example of something you would teach?

Open.  Mouth.  Insert.  Moldy.  Freaking.  Underwear.  

Me: I did NOT mean your subject was mindless, that was a terrible description.  I am so sorry.

In the meantime, everyone is rolling with laughter.  

Principal: I am not sure I have ever seen someone turn so red!

Me: I am really nervous, MAN it is hot in here!  

Although I completely said an idiotic thing, they thought it was funny (at least to my face).  They could see how embarrassed I was.  And lets face it, everyone knows there is a reason all the Social Studies/History teachers are also coaches.  It’s not a subject that takes special training to teach.  It is however a role they need to place someone, and it’s one less salary they have to pay if they make a coach a teacher too.  Regardless, I shouldn’t have said that.  Actually, I am probably safer not to say anything.  Geez.  The other thing that probably killed my chances?

Principal: I know in Texas they still paddle in schools.

Another teacher: Seriously?  I didn’t know that!

Me: Sure they do!  I was paddled once!

Just take the pain away, Lord.  Shoot.  Me.  Now.  

Another question was asked that I professionally answered, and then I turned back to the principal...

Me: Okay, let me explain why I got paddled.  I was in the fourth grade (Lie-I was actually in 9th), and I was playing in the bathroom when I was supposed to be at lunch (Another lie.  I actually called a teacher, “devil woman” in a private school...ehem...a CHRISTIAN private school.)

Again, they were rolling with laughter.  Probably laughing at me, not with me.  There is a difference, and the first one doesn’t produce good outcomes. 

So interview 2?  Probably Fail.  I won’t know for sure until tomorrow.  If I don’t post about it again it means I didn’t get it, so don’t ask.  If I get it, I will let you know.

As far as the test that you were praying for?  I will tell you about that later.  I’m sick of typing.