In need....

Something I have discovered in the last three weeks.  I am severely ADD.  I think I always knew this.  Mom told me a while back that she believes I have always suffered from this.  Little Man has it, and is medicated.  I am pretty sure I passed it to him...if that is possible.

So you ask, why is this all of a sudden coming to the forefront of my mind?  Because I am a studying maniac right now.  I have blogged about trying to be a teacher in this state before.  Here is the deal.  The state of Connecticut gave me a temporary certification.  That temporary certification is good through February 13, 2013.  At the bottom in little tiny words...which reminds me of something else.  

ADD side note: You know how you get a new job and you dress up all pretty for your first day?  You sit in the office across the desk from your new boss where they hand you your written job description.  You read through it, familiar with most of the things because they were already discussed in the interview process.  So you are reading through the same list, confident that this job is the one for you and then at the bottom underneath your list of 15 tasks are the tiny, little words (size six font): and other duties as assigned.

That reminds me of this.  Very similar tiny words are at the bottom of my temporary certification.  Here it is:

So, although I am a certified teacher in Texas and have taken and passed all of the tedious tests to become a Texas teacher...none of that matters.  Connecticut wants me to take all of their tests too.  

This is how I feel about taking test:

All the way through school, I have been a terrible test taker.  I do great on all the classwork and homework, but would make anywhere from a six to a 66 on a test.  If I take two weeks to study, I might get lucky and get a 55.  If I study the night before I might get lucky and make a 15.  Doesn’t matter, and yes, you are reading those numbers correctly.  I can remember in high school, I would get a test and simply take the scantron, and start filling in circles without every even opening the test.  That is how confident I was that it wouldn’t matter.  Unfortunately, I can’t really do that in this case.  I am a grown up now, where the numbers matter.  So, I started off with the three Praxis I tests.  I wanted to knock them all out at once so I scheduled them one right after the other in the same day.  Decided not to really bother studying.  I knew I would pass the reading and writing with no problem.  That is my speciality.  As far as the math, the day before the test, I had the Chief (mathematics ass...err...I mean mathematics genius) brush me up on some of the formula stuff.  I made the hour drive to the test taking facility with the list of formulas taped to my steering wheel.  Get there, walk in, sign in, sit down and wait to be called back.  A woman walks in with her boyfriend and they begin chatting...

ADD side note: You know how a dog goes outside to go to the bathroom?  Gotta go pee, gotta go pee...let me out, let me out.  Ahhh, fresh air...oh yeah, gotta go pee.  Sniff sniff....not that spot, sniff sniff, nope, not that one either.  Sniff sniff, stupid deer peeing in my yard again!  Gotta pee, gotta pee.  Sniff sniff, nope, used that spot an hour ago.  Oh look!  A bird!  Ruff!!! Get the hell out of my yard, you worm eatin’ buffalo wing!  

Well, this is my mind.  Here I am, reciting these formulas in my head before I get in front of the test.  This lady starts talking to this guy, and I turn to people watch.  Not only that, I start to try and figure out what their story is.  Are they both taking a test?  Are they married?  No wedding rings.  They are sitting close.  He has his hand on her leg.  They must be boyfriend and girlfriend.  Is he just here for moral support?  Wait, what were those formulas again?  And just like that...JUST. LIKE. THAT.  They are gone.  Seriously.  G-O-N-E.  So I get led back and they have these noise blocking headphones that you are allowed to use.  I opt out thinking how many icky people have put those next to their dirty ears that have been cleaned about as often as Little Man’s spaces between his toes.  I start my test.  Click.  Click.  Click.  I turn around and the woman behind me, two cubicles over is hitting her pencil against the table.  Swish.  Swish.  Swish.  The guy next to me is swinging his leg back and forth against the cubicle wall.  I angrily grab the stupid ear-wax filled headphones and put them on.  Four minutes have already ticked by on my timer.  I start the first question.  I have to read it five times because this is what I am thinking: Can you get a disease from having other people ear-wax dropped in your ear?  How would they ever figure out that is what is causing your aches and pains?  I think that would be an EXCELLENT show for House.  Oh yeah, House is no longer on anymore.  That was such a good show.  Grey’s Anatomy, when is that coming back on.  Man, last season had such an awesome ending.  Are they going to survive that plane crash?  I can’t believe they killed Lexi off!  

Are you understanding my madness?!?

Another three minutes have gone by.  I have two flippin’ hours to answer 120 questions on the first test! 

Back to the main story...geez, this blog post is a disaster.  

So, I took and easily passed the three Praxis I test, on the first try!!

I have put off the Praxis II test for a good reason.  I spoke to a couple English teachers in this state that have passed it.  One of them (the smarter of the two), told me she had to take it three times to pass it.  The other didn’t tell me anything besides, “It is really hard.”  So, I have taken the last three weeks and gotten three books to help prepare me for this test.  Yes, I put my big girl panties on and decided to do the responsible thing and study to prepare.  Which brings me to my immediate problem.  ADD.  I am having the most difficult time studying for this test.  It is so hard for me to stay focused enough to study one area for more than five minutes at a time! I am distracted by the smallest things.  I think I am realizing it is a problem, because for the first time in a long time I am having to stay focused on one thing for more than 65 seconds.  So, I am writing this blog for a purpose.  Well, two purposes.  

Purpose one: Because I am supposed to be studying and this was my first distraction.

Purpose two: To ask for prayers next Tuesday.  My test is at 3:30.  Pray until you have a personal relationship with God.  Invite him for dinner if that is what it takes.  I don’t care.  But for that day, I am begging...

for you to take a moment and pray for calmness in my mind.  Or just pray for God to give me the right answers.  Either way.  I am putting in the effort, but I am fearful it might not be enough.  So I need your prayers.  If you don’t normally pray?  Now is the time to start.  He might even tune into you better because he isn’t familiar with your voice! Do it for me.  Do it for the kids!!  

Thanks.