Winning: Is it everything? Yes! If you don’t win, you lose. If you aren’t in first place, you might as well be in last. I hate losing. I hate being in last place. If there is a line, you better believe I am at the front of it. If I come up on the end of a line, you can bet money, I will somehow make my way to the front of it before the wait is over.
As a child I was never really in sports. I was never at the top of my class. I am not sure where this competitiveness came from, but I do know it has developed in me as an adult. I am always in a hurry. Walking in NYC with the brunette BFF, she said, “SLOW DOWN!!” I practically run everywhere. I don’t lollygag. Everywhere I go, I am on a mission. I can get a list of groceries two pages long, in 8 minutes flat. I can load my car in 38 seconds. I can’t stand slow people. It drives me crazy. I want to push people to move forward. I figure, we don’t really have a lot of time on earth, why spend it walking slow? Why spend it getting ready to go somewhere? If you tell me you want to go somewhere special and to get ready, do you know how fast I can get ready? Shower (including hair wash): 6 minutes. Blow dry and fixing hair: 9 minutes. Getting dressed: 3 minutes. Putting makeup on: 39 seconds. Total: 18 minutes and 39 seconds. What woman can do that? Do you know how much time the average woman takes to get ready to go out? 55 minutes. That is almost 7 hours a week! Think of all the things you could do in 7 hours! That is almost an extra days worth of work!
I think it is important to be organized so that everything goes smoothly. If you are all over the place and unorganized, do you know how much time is wasted? When I have errands to run, I run them in order starting furthest from the house. All this going back and forth nonsense is silly! Get it done, and get home.
To me, winning coincides with always being first. Maybe the reason I don’t play sports is because I am not a natural, and I know I can’t win. And to me, if I can’t win, I won’t bother. Games on the other hand, I love to play.
One evening we were with the Chiefs BFF and her family. We decided to play Uno. There were us four adults, and four kids, Little Man being one of them. He played a card and then tried taking it back, and I said, “Ummm no, a card laid is a card played.” They all looked at me like I had stolen a starved child’s lollypop.
“He is just a kid, it’s okay Little Man, pick it up.”
“Don’t even think about touching that card.” You played it, it stays. They all looked at me shockingly. I am a serious game player. I don’t care if you are 8. I won’t sit back and let ANYONE win because they are at a disadvantage. You chose to play, you are in for a treat. Now that I think about it, we never played any other games at their house. Hmmm....
I am also a very sore loser. If I lose, I throw a minor fit. Probably the reason we haven’t been asked back to the neighbors house for a game night.
Sometimes I wonder why I have this inner need to win so badly. Why do I always want to be first? Why in college do I get torn up over one B when I got six A’s? Why does it kill me that the two boys on my sales team beat me each month, regardless of the fact I only work part time and they work full time? Do I feel this way because I was determined to be independent? When I was 18 I became pregnant with the Little Man. I was insistent that I would have a natural birth, no drugs. I was 18 years old, just a child myself. Everyone told me, you won’t be able to do it. Everyone says that, and ends up getting the drugs. It was that alone that pushed me forward through those throbbing contractions. With each agonizing one, I heard the voices of those people saying I couldn’t do it. I was in labor for 46 hours. My Little Man was stuck in the birth canal for so long that his head came out with a slight point to it. I never wavered. I gave birth without the pain killers.
After getting divorced, the Little Man was two. Did I run back home and move in with mom and dad? No, I got my own apartment and supported myself and my son on my one measly income. This isn’t to say I haven’t had help in life, because years later, my blond BFF moved across the country to help my wore out body. I had pushed so hard for so long, that I was ready to give up. I think this made me all the more stronger.
I just finished this book, Go for No! Yes is the Destination, No is How You Get There by Richard Fenton and Andrea Waltz. What an excellent book! I am currently in sales (very temporary), and this book was a real eye-opener. The theory behind it is: Go for No! Lets take a telemarketer for an example. They get you on the phone and begin their shpeel and continue long after you have hung up. Think, if they make 100 calls a day and do this routine, they may get 4 people to agree and sign up for their services. What if they took a different approach? What if instead of immediately going into their sales pitch, they just asked: “Are you interested in a new phone service?” If the response is no, they are able to quickly move onto the next caller. They would save time, and get in twice the amount of phone calls. So instead of making four deals, they would make 8. This is a great theory right? Let me tell you how hard this is for someone like me! I hate hearing no. No=fail to me. They teach you in this book, that if you learn to take no quickly and move on, your yes will come faster. Take “no” with stride. Failure leads to success. In the book, he explains that they give out an award for the most “No’s” and for “the most deals closed.” The award typically goes to the same person. Did you read that right? The person that closes the most deals, is also the one that gets the most “No’s!”
When kids are young, we teach that that everyone is a winner. We say things like, “At least you tried your hardest....you did great...everyone is a winner here...” Actually, I never said these things. I was on the other end. I hated putting Little Man in YMCA sports, because they don’t have winners. They give all the kids a trophy at the end. To me, that is crap. What are we teaching them? That if they don’t win, they still get the trophy? That isn’t how real life is, so why do we act as though losing deserves reward?
I know I am all over the place in this blog...and frankly that is how I feel about this stuff. Winning to me is important. If you don’t win you lose. After reading the book, I think maybe losing is good. Is losing the same as getting a “no”? If it is then it leads to success. Are you confused yet? Regardless, I am still not going to let a kid beat me at Uno...I don’t care how cute he is.
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