When I was a little girl, our next door neighbors were African Americans. They were very friendly and I waved at them while with my parents. They had a little boy. One day we were outside and I saw their son for the first time. I played with him for a bit, and then while my mom was visiting with his mom, I bent down and rubbed his leg. “MOM!” I yelled, “The dirt doesn’t rub off!” Of course my mom was completely humiliated, but what can you expect from a child that had never seen a child with dark skin.
A year or so later, when I picked out the doll I wanted for Christmas, I chose the doll with black skin. It was the one I wanted, and it is the one my mom bought me. I remember she had black skin, hair, and a sparkly blue dress. I thought she was beautiful and my new best friend.
As I grew up, I always saw African American babies and thought they were so beautiful. Why? Where did this obsession come from? They were so different from me. Their skin looks so soft, smooth, and completely flawless. In high school I was part of the drill team. The Captain was African American, I remember asking her one day if I could touch her hair. She looked at me like I was crazy, and said, “Sure”. Soon after that, I grew out of this obsession....but seemed to have passed it on.
I have determined Little Man has the same obsession. If we are walking somewhere and he sees them, he watches them very carefully. It is almost as if he wants to memorize their every move so he can later imitate it.
I have been wanting to write about this for some time, but struggle with being “politically correct.” The Chief said to write it, and then let him look it over before I post it. Of course, of all people...he knows how to be politically correct.
When we left our home in Texas, Little Man was a student at a large public school. This school was predominately Caucasian and Middle Eastern. Of course you have a few scattered Hispanics and a few African Americans. Of course, Little Man had an African American girlfriend, and both of his best friends were also African American. I had no problem with this. I had met his girlfriend and she was an absolute sweetheart. I had also met her mother, who was also very kind and adored Little Man.
We moved across the country and fell into a 99% Caucasian area. His new school, half the size of his old school, is predominately Caucasian with one or two African Americans, and one or two Asians. Who is Little Man friends with? The only two African Americans in the 6th grade. Coincidence? I think not. He has invited one to the house, and the kid is VERY respectful and lovable, I would want to be friends with him too!
Now the question is, should this concern me? My concern is not that he likes African Americans, it is that he WANTS TO BE like them. How do I make him proud of who he is? I never wanted to be like them, I was just fascinated that God could create something so different than me.
Little Man wants to dress like them, and wear the type of hats they wear. He wants to talk like them saying things like, “Wuz up bra!” (instead of wuz up bro). The other day we were in the car and he said, “Why are there more black people in jail than white people?” I explained to him that it had nothing to do with the color of their skin. I told him people make bad decisions that land them in jail. He asked why blacks make more bad decisions than whites? Again, I said it has nothing to do with color.
This is always a very difficult topic of discussion with my child. I would like to think I am not prejudice...but in many ways I think I am. I think God made African Americans more athletic than other races. I think God made Asians more intelligent than other races. Although we all have the same color of blood, the truth is we are very different. If you group people according to race, you will find that we aren’t made equal. Of course you always have the exception to these rules. There are a few out there that are able to rise above and beyond. If you disagree, then in my opinion, you are lying to yourself. Why is it that prisons have more of one race over the other? Why is it that star athletes favor a certain color of the skin? Why is it when you look at the grades of students, Asians score higher on tests than any other race? If you look at business owners, aren’t more of them men over women? Why are race car drivers mostly men? It doesn’t matter the color of your skin.
I think society has a HUGE impact on the actions of people. Asians for example. Maybe it isn’t that their smarter, it is just that they have parents that put the fear of God in them. They have no choice but to succeed. They are expected, and know the consequences are serious when they don’t come home with a 98 or above. African Americans and football. Have you ever noticed the quarterbacks are Caucasian but everyone else is most African American? Does that seem odd to anyone else? What about Nascar. You think men love cars, so of course this sport is a mans sport. But have you noticed there aren’t African Americans, Asians, or Middle Eastern racers out there? It’s mostly Caucasian. Why?
In a world that should be created equal, are we really created that way? Am I looking at it all wrong? Did God really not make certain people better at things than others? Is it just that society sees that this is a sport for white men, so the others stay away? Is it society that forms these groups, and we the people just follow because that is how it has always been?
As far as answering my sons question, I couldn’t. I don’t know why there are more African Americans and Hispanics in prison than Caucasians. I didn’t even know this was true until I looked it up. Sure enough, he is right. This is what I found:
"Mass arrests and incarceration of people of color – largely due to drug law violations – have hobbled families and communities by stigmatizing and removing substantial numbers of men and women. In the late 1990s, nearly one in three African-American men aged 20-29 were under criminal justice supervision, while more than two out of five had been incarcerated – substantially more than had been incarcerated a decade earlier and orders of magnitudes higher than that for the general population. Today, 1 in 15 African-American children and 1 in 42 Latino children have a parent in prison, compared to 1 in 111 white children. In some areas, a large majority of African-American men – 55 percent in Chicago, for example – are labeled felons for life, and, as a result, may be prevented from voting and accessing public housing, student loans and other public assistance." - http://drugwarfacts.org/cms/?q=node/64
I wish I had the answer for Little Man. I wish I knew how to respond to such questions while still being “politically correct.” I wish I knew why he wants to be like them. I wish I could convince him that he should be proud to be who he is. I know as a parent, this is only ONE of the tough questions I will be asked.
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