I know a struggling student. He is a 6th grader. He is average in size and looks. He is very smart. His problem is he doesn't care. He doesn't have the desire to do the work. He is fully capable, and all the teachers know it. He would much rather socialize than learn. This student is ADHD. He struggles to sit and focus. His mind is constantly racing with questions and thoughts. He worries about what other students think of him. When he talks to the other students he often moves his arm up to his face to cover his nose. He is paranoid that he has boogers. He is terrified of being called out, or embarrassed because he doesn't look just right. He is constantly putting his hands in his hair because he is afraid it is sticking up somewhere. He takes care in getting dressed in the mornings. He wants to be accepted by the other students. He wants to be popular. He wants to be loved. He wants kids to want to be his friend.
I have just described most 6th grade male students. But this student in particular is my son.
Since Little Man was in the first grade I have been told he is bright. I am starting to wonder if this is code for something else. Little Man always has decent grades. When it comes time for that dreaded parent/teacher conference I walk in slowly with my head down and tail tucked between my legs. I know it isn't going to be good news. I know the things they are going to say. I have done this for 6 years, I know their speech better than they know it:
"Little Man is so bright. He is such a joy, and he is so lovable. He is one of my most polite students (most of the time). It is obvious that Little Man knows the work. He knows the answers. He just doesn't want to put it on paper. He lacks the motivation. He worries too much about what others think of him. He is my class clown. When the students are told to write a paper, Little Man only does half a page. He wants to be the first one done. When he is given an assignment, it takes him 5 minutes to get started. He is unorganized (this hurts my heart more than anything). He scrambles for two minutes to find a sheet to write on. Then he scrambles for another 20 seconds to find a pencil, only to realize it needs to be sharpened. On the way to the pencil sharpener, he distracts other students which slows him down. Once his pencil is sharpened and he is back at his desk, he realizes that he is missing his eraser. He fumbles looking for another pencil. After finding one, it too needs to be sharpened. He remembers he has a sharpener in his binder. He gets it, sharpens his pencil, and of course it accidently pops open and spills all over his desk and the floor. At this point the class is almost done with the assignment, and Little Man hasn't even started. He gets about 3 sentences on his paper, then puts it away and sits up straight as if he has worked long and hard on this very tedious assignment. The work that he does do, is right. It is just a battle getting him to do the work."
After this speech, they turn and look at me as if I hold the precise answer to this very complex problem. I then explain this is the same speech I have heard for the past 5 years. We brainstorm...she promises to give him a little more one-on-one, and I promise to check work at home. We shake hands and say our goodbyes, both knowing that was a waste of time.
Because I am going to school to be a teacher this whole situation kills me. Teachers kids are supposed to be the smart ones. If I fail with my child, how can I expect to succeed with other peoples children? I want him to LOVE learning. I want him to care about his grades. We have tried everything from taking away all his electronics to simply sending him to his room. What is this really achieving? This morning in the shower I decided I am going to try harder to help him succeed. I am going to start doing work with him at home. Not school work, but work that I create for him. I can easily look up what he is doing in his classroom, and repeat that work at home. This may make me a horrible parent, making her child come home and do more school work. I don't know what else to do. Maybe if I make him so comfortable doing school work, that when it comes time to perform in the class he will think to himself, "this shouldn't take long, just did this at home last night." I may be dreaming thinking this will be my result, but I have to try something new.
I want my child to succeed. I need to set him up to be a winner. He enters the middle school next year, and I want him ready.
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