I was in the 5th grade. My best friend was Tammy. We were both in Ms. Peterson's class. Neither of us really like her, but we both had each other. We ate lunch together, we played at recess together, and we walked home together. Life couldn't be better.
On a Friday, I went to Tammy's house to spend the night. It was so close to summer, and she had a pool. We giggled all night and talked about silly girl things. We made wishes and talked about what we wanted to be when we grew up. We challenged each other to see who could stay up the latest. We talked about who we wanted to kiss, and who we thought was cute. We did what little girls do.
The next day, her mom went to work while we were left behind with her brother who was 16, her stepfather, and her adorable baby sister. I was infatuated with her baby sister. She was just over a year old. We played with her nonstop, following her around waiting for her to fall so we had reason to pick her up. Her chubby little thighs wobbled as she ran from room to room screaming with anticipation of who would grab her next. She was such a joy, and had the focus of our attention most of Saturday afternoon. When her nap time came around, we got to read to her and put her down for her nap. We read her a book with our very best character voices. We sang her a song and took turns rocking her, then finally put her in her crib.
Then we went to Tammy's room and got ready to go swimming. Her brother was already out in the pool, and her dad was laying in a chair next to the pool. Her stepfather was very strict. When he commanded something, Tammy didn't ask questions. He never talked to me, but I knew to keep my mouth shut when he was around.
We jumped in the pool and played games with the cheap little pool rings. Half of them floated, and half of them sunk. We didn't care, we were just happy to be in the pool playing with each other. We played for what seemed like hours. Her brother kept to himself on one side of the pool, and her stepfather just sat in his chair quietly watching us.
Then we heard the baby crying. The baby monitor was sitting on the table outside beside her dad. We both glanced at it, then smiled at each other. We quickly jumped out of the pool. We couldn't wait to run up and get her. Then her dad spoke.
"Tammy, go ALONE and get the baby, change her diaper, and put her swimsuit on."
"Yes sir," she responded as she frantically began to towel dry herself off.
I felt awkward as I stood there watching her rush to dry herself. I understood him clearly when he said she was to go alone. Do I get back in the pool? I decided I would sit out on the chair and wait for her and the baby's return. I took a seat, laying back soaking in all of the sun. I closed my eyes as I heard her brother start to swim laps. Then I heard her fathers chair being pulled across the patio. I opened my eyes to see him coming towards me with his chair. My body grew a little tense. Was he going to talk to me? Did I do something wrong? Why did he want to sit so close to me? He now had his chair right next to mine. I sat up, assuming he wanted to talk to me.
He placed his hand on my thigh. I froze in fear. Should I get up? I was too petrified to move. I stared at the house praying Tammy would come out with the baby. I knew she was minutes away from appearing. I looked at her brother in the pool. He was still swimming laps. I watched him, wishing I were swimming next to him.
His hand inched up slowly. His finger grazed the lining of my swimsuit. I looked back at the back door. Should I get up? My body was tense with fear. His finger went underneath the lining of my swimsuit. I could feel tears coming through my throat.
The back door flung open. I jumped up and ran for Tammy and the baby. The baby saw me and stretched her little arms out. I picked her up and swung her around, my stomach still turning with anxiety. Her pink arm floaties stuck to my hot cheeks. We headed for the edge of the pool. For the next thirty minutes we played with her on the steps taking turns trying to convince her to jump to us. She was so happy. She shrieked with excitement as we yelled her name. Then it was time for me to go home. I packed my overnight bag up, and left. I didn't spend the night with her after that.
After that summer, Tammy's dad forbid her to see me anymore. When we started school in the fall, she wouldn't even look my way. I didn't know what I had done wrong. I was only eleven. I had lost my best friend. I tried to slip her notes. She wouldn't even acknowledge my presence. I never forgot that. To this day, twenty years later, I have tried to find her on facebook and myspace. I would never tell her what happened that day at the pool, I just want to make sure she is safe and okay. I always felt I was responsible for letting that friendship end. I now know she probably wasn't safe in that house. I never did anything. I didn't help her. Deep down I know she lived in a prison. As an adult, I recognize the signs I missed as a small child. She lived in fear. She was terrified of him. She never so much as blinked when he spoke to her. I let her walk away. I should have forced her to talk to me. I should have made her reach out for adult help. She grew up trapped and never had anyone save her. I could have saved her, and I didn't.
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