Do you ever wonder what dogs are thinking? I am sure you do, we all do don’t we? I hear people talk for dogs, so I know they think for them.
When we moved into our house, there was an electric fence already put up. The wonderful previous home owners, left behind the collar that goes with it. After one shock, our mutt was trained...or so I thought. The other night, I let her out and sat down on the couch to watch a movie with my husband. Three hours later, we both woke up to the credits rolling on the television. We did our usual, I go upstairs, and The Chief (husband) turns off all the lights and locks all the doors. The Chief comes in the room and says, “Where is Molly?” I looked under the bed, yes she is about 90 pounds, but she squeezes her large body under our bed. She wasn’t there. He goes back downstairs and opens the back door and whistles for her. No response. Normally, if she doesn’t respond at the back door, we walk around to the front. Because our house sits on a hill, she likes to sit in the front because she can see the whole neighborhood from there. He goes to the front...still no Molly. So then we both head outside. We know now, that she has gone passed the electric fence. We also know that she has been MIA for about 3 hours. The Chief takes the back and I take the front. He has a flashlight and is headed towards the woods. Our house backs up to about a mile of open woods. I go down the front of the house thinking she has decided to check out the neighbors a little more closely. We are both yelling her name. Deep down, I am terrified I am going to see her laying down somewhere dead. When I was 16, our dog growing up died. We came home, and mom found her dead in the backyard. I carry that fear, that it will happen again. So I am yelling, he is yelling. Then I hear him yell my name. I head back up the driveway and see Molly running like Seabiscuit on the last stretch towards me. The Chief said she was on the other side of our rock wall (that divides our backyard from the woods). I stood there and watched her in awe. She was running like CRAZY! I wondered what was going through her mind?!? The Chief had to take the collar off her because that was the reason she wasn’t in the yard. She was too afraid to come back through the fence because she was shocked so bad going out. Was she running like that thinking, “I’M FREE! NO MORE POKEY COLLAR!” Or was she just excited that we found her and thinking, “The idiots finally found me! What am I, chopped liver?? Didn’t even notice I was missing for THREE HOURS!”
When our dog poops she does the same thing! She runs around the backyard crazy fast. What is she thinking then?? “Wow, I feel like a new woman!” Or, “I must have dropped 3 pounds with that deposit!” Or is she thinking, “WAHOO! Something more for that kid to pick up later!!”
In the morning on the weekends she gets up with The Chief. When I come down stairs (hours later), she immediately comes over to me and wants to smell my breath. WHY? What is she thinking? “Just checking to see if you brushed yet mom?”
When The Chief and I are standing in the kitchen talking she sits up next to us and stairs at us. When I look at her, she looks like she is struggling to keep her eyes open. What is she thinking when she sits there? “Hello? Keep the conversation entertaining, I am falling asleep here!” Or, “Will you two quit your jabber and mosey on over to my treat container?” Or, “Dear God, if I have to hear one more conversation about what he said or she said, I might just put a kitten on my friend request list.”
When she meets another dog, like most dogs, they go straight for the butt. “What did you have for dinner last night?”
I am sitting at the kitchen table and she sees a squirrel in the backyard. She immediately starts barking like she is going to break down the door. So I open it, she takes off after it. The squirrel of course, runs up a tree. She stands there staring up. I can only assume she is thinking, “Just so you know, I LET you climb that tree! If I was even a little hungry I would have you for my afternoon snack. Actually, earlier I ate a deer. DID YOU HEAR THAT? A DEER! One with lots of sticks coming out of it’s head! I used those sticks to clean my teeth with. So I am a little full now. You just stay up there. We will meet again later, when I am hungry...and not feeling so bloated.”
The other day, she saw two deer standing just beyond the rock wall. She ran towards them, and they didn’t move. She got close enough and stopped. She stood there and barked at them. They continued to stand their ground. It looked like a momma and her baby. They just stared at her. Is she thinking, “What the hell are those things? Aren’t they missing some sticks coming out of their heads? Why aren’t they afraid of me? Am I loosing my pit look? I KNEW I should have rolled in the dirt yesterday, my fur is getting too light. That makes me look like a pansy! Well, if I keep barking they will know that I am here. Wait a minute, I wonder if I could play with that thing! I don’t dare swat it around like I did that little squeaky thing the other day. Why is that thing still staring at me? Wait, where is it going? Yeah, you BETTER run! I was going to come after you if you stuck around another 5 seconds. Consider yourself lucky, I drop turds the size if you! I could take you down with my back left leg tied to my tail! You keep on running buddy! Now, where did that squeaky thing go?”
It is fun to wonder what goes through a dogs mind. It is almost as tough as a man trying to figure out what is going through a woman’s mind!
