S for Socks

S is for socks.  About a month ago, I was offered an amazing opportunity.  To play in a teachers vs. students volleyball game.  I immediately accepted along with the other two teachers on my team.  I went home that evening and told the Chief, who quickly deflated my happiness balloon.  Here is how that went:

Me: Babe, guess what?

Chief: You got a raise?

Me: Nope...better!!

Chief: You won a car?

Me: Nope...even better!  I’m going to play in a volleyball game in a few weeks!!  Teachers against the students!! Wait until you see what I am going to wear!  I am going to get really cute tall socks, pink of course.  I am going to wear my pink shorts with a hot pink shirt, and of course I will have my black and pink shoes.  Oh and a pink bow!  This is going to be awesome.

Chief: You do realize you have agreed to doing an athletic sport....

Me: Yup, it will be fun!

Chief: Is the point to win?

Me: Well, yeah...duh.

Chief: Have you ever played volleyball?

Me: Nope, but that’s okay.  It doesn’t look hard.

Chief: Fantastic.  Can I come watch?

Me: Really?  You want to come to the school and watch me kick some butt?

Chief: No, I want to watch you come and land ON your butt!

Me: Seriously?  It can’t be that hard.  I mean you hit a ball over the net.  Anyone can do that.

Chief: Sure.  Little Man, go grab me one of Molly’s soft balls.

Me: Why?

Chief: Let’s just practice.  I want to watch you hit it.

Me: Okay, this is awesome!  I am going to be so good.

Chief: Good...like you are at other sports?

Me: I don’t play other...

Chief: Exactly.  Okay, I’m going to throw it.  Are you ready?

Me: Wait, what am I doing with it?  There is no net!  

Chief: You don’t need a net, just hit the ball, I will catch it.

Me: But I don’t have the correct sporting attire on...

Chief: Let’s just pretend you do, just like you are going to pretend to know how to play.

Me: Hush your mouth and throw the damn ball.

Chief: Okay, here it comes...one...two...three...

Me: OW! Okay, that hurt my arm. I can’t do this in the house...I don’t have to be good at it.  I can play.

Chief: Do you know the rules of the game?

Me: Yes, Rainman.  I know the rules.  Hit the ball over the net. Score.

Chief: Is there an admittance fee for me to come watch?

Me: You are going to be shocked at how good I am!

Fast forward three weeks.  Game day.  All the teachers are out in a circle on the court practicing hitting it to each other.  I take a position in the circle.  I notice how good these teachers are.  They are ummm....legit.  And I ummm...look cute.  The ball shoots in the air.  I watch it fly towards me.  I quickly cover my head with my arms (soldier-preparing-for-a-bomb style)...and let out a scream.  Shake it off, shake it off.  Okay, this could be a problem.  Not only am I not good, but I am terrified the ball is going to knock out my front teeth.  I quickly scramble to grab the ball which is now rolling across the gym.  I tackle it and run back to the circle.  Now what.  They are all staring at me to start the warm-up again.  Instead of hitting it off my wrist, I toss it to the teacher next to me.  Excellent.  What the hell did I sign up for?  

Whistle blows.  Round one, I get the spot in the middle back (which I purposely chose in hopes that the time would run out before I had to serve).  I managed to avoid most of the balls that came my way.  MOST.  There was one that I couldn’t possibly avoid.  I saw it coming and let out a girly-ass scream before hitting it in the air (another teacher came to the rescue and hit it over the net from there).  As soon as she hit it over, the entire team came over and patted me on the back.  Great, I am so bad that they had to make a REALLY big deal about the one ball I hit.  Two positions later, and I found myself in the serving position.  Crap.  This was going to be disastrous. 

I turned back and looked at the coach (who happens to be the other LA teacher on my team).  She nodded at me assuring me I could do this.  She showed me the motion once again.  I turned back and glanced at my 7th graders in the stands.  I held my hand up to my ear and they stood up and starting screaming for me.  These sweet angels made us signs with our names on them that they could hold up at the game.  There they were, standing and screaming for me.  I turned back to the net that was at least a football field away, and swung my arm back while balancing the ball on my other hand.  One...two...the Chief’s voice ringing in my ears...three....

Let’s just say, I looked cute.