T for Tree Leaves

T is for Tree Leaves.  I have a strange habit.  Okay, I have a lot of strange habits.  I am going to write about one in particular though...putting a price on everything.  I know you have heard people say: You couldn’t pay me to do that!  Here is the deal.  I think you can pay someone to do something...at a certain price.  The challenge is to find that cut off.  

This is a game I often play on my own while driving.  I will see a tree that isn’t fully leaved, but has less than a third left.  I think in my mind: How much would someone have to pay me to climb that tree and pick every single leaf off by hand?  I know this is ludicrous...but is just how my mind entertains itself.  Would I do it for $200?  Let’s just say it is a tree that would cause me to move the ladder MANY times.  If it has four large main branches coming out like this:

Then we are talking at least $3,000.  But for a tree like this:

I would probably be in and out for about $200.  

Does anyone else do this?  Or am I the only odd one.  Don’t answer that.  

I’m driving and I pass a river...swamp area.  

How much to cross it without a boat?  Many things come into play here.  Could there be snakes?  Sharks (they CAN be in rivers)?  What is the temperature?  Am I allowed to wear a body suit that protects me from any creature that is under me?  Any water challenge is going to require big bucks...because I am not a fan.  On the perfect day, no wind, sunny, and NO creatures under me...I’d probably do it for about $1,500.  Yeah, that is a lot.  

I’m driving past a tall light post.  

How much to climb it?  I would probably shimmy up one of these babies for about $100.  

Here are some other things I have put a price on.

1. Picking up all the acorns up by hand under a 150 year old acorn tree that produces them by the buckets?  $600
2. Clean my windshield with my tongue? $5,000 and a bottle of Listerine.  
3. Pick up all the dog poo with my bare hand (no more than 15 piles)? Fresh poo: $400  Old poo: $200  Rain-soaked poo: $300
4. Jumping off a bridge (safe height) into the water? $10,000 if there is a boat waiting for me.  If I have to swim to shore? $25,000
5. Climb up into a 100 foot tall tree and spend the night? Alone where Edward Cullen could get me? $950  With my husband (who hasn’t yet agreed to the challenge)? $450
6. Count every car from Boston’s Fenway Park to the Empire State Building (fastest route of course)? From a helicopter? $250  From a hot air balloon? $550 (just because it will take much longer).  
7. Putting up Christmas lights in a field of 25 Christmas trees.  Gotcha!  No cost...haven’t you read my Christmas clutter blog?  Come on!

I have recently dragged other people into this weird world of mine.  If I am on a trip with the Chief, I will ask him these questions.  The first time I asked, Rainman questioned me to death.  

Me: How much money would I have to pay you to get you to wash all the windows on the Sears Tower?

Chief: That depends.  How many windows does it have?

Me: Who knows. 

Chief: Well in order to give you a fair price, I would need to know how many windows.

Me: Okay, let me google it.  16,000.

Chief: What size is each window?  

Me: Seriously?? 12x12.

Chief: How tall is it?

Me: 1,454 feet tall, Rainman.  How much?

Chief: Is it raining?

Me: Nope, it’s sunny.

Chief: Is the wind blowing?

Me: Maybe a little.

Chief: Which direction?

Me: You are sucking the fun right out of this.

Chief: You think this is fun?  I could lose my life washing these windows!

Me: South, the wind is blowing to the freaking south. 

Chief: What time do I need to start?

Me: OMG.

Chief: It matters.

Me: None of this matter dipshit, it’s just a game.

Chief: Then YOU wash the damn windows! 

Me: Fine! I would have had them done by now if I didn’t have to stop to answer so many stupid questions!

Chief: You won’t think they are stupid when you are up there with the wind blowing and the sun baking the back of your neck as you are on window number 8 out of 16,000! 

Me: I’m cutting the rope and falling to my death...game over!

Chief: Rope?  You didn’t tell me I was hanging by a friggin rope!  How thick is the rope?

Me: Stop, stop now.  

He no longer questions why I am asking him such absurd things.  He gets it.  He loves me for who I am, and gives me a sufficient answer.  I question him until he says, “No more money questions.”  Then I move onto Little Man who will do anything for a buck.  I was with my mom once and asked her the picking-the-leaves question.  She looked at me oddly and decided to play along.  She gave me a reasonable price, then laughed and said, “Only you, honey.”  

Next time you are in the car with your spouse, ask him.  It’s interesting to see how much money it will take to buy a little insanity.